Reverse

great idea. it realy needed the last line to deliver, and did it? Hell yeah it did! great finish!

thanks mate. i tried to keep it simple. it's weird the way the mind works as you read this.

Clever and visually pleasing. Liked it very much - no spelling mistakes and no suggestions for improvement.

thanks doeslittle. I checked it for mistakes several times. :)

This is a great premise and works so well, the last line carries so much weight and really transforms the rest of the poem, very moving.

The only part that sat uncomfortably for me was the use of the word 'splat' in the first line. I didn't think the term had the same gravity as the rest of the piece and so felt a little out of place. I know you're not too keen on editing but maybe you could try 'he hit the pavement with a crash' or something similiar? Just a suggestion.

Great poem apart from this though, very clever.

Thanks for the comment capoeiragem. Yeah I wasn't sure on "splat", sounded a little childish or something to me but I wanted to almost be frivolous with it; to show the easiness with which life can end.

This is a great poem :) It does tie into my prose rather well too. Thank you for your comment, I have replied on it too.

Cheers xibbling.:)