The brother he couldn't Save


from the ABC set Typically Me 2008

The valley was far below, when
the prisoners were pushed through,
one by one they were sent down,
and the howling of the wind grew.

Somewhere far away,
a young boy bowed his head,
for his brother was a prisoner,
and was surely dead.

But when word came,
stating his brother may still live,
off he road on a sandy mare,
for all his help he wanted to give.

For days it seemed,
he rode along the trail,
his heart pounding inside,
silently praying he would prevail.

Weeks later, he arrived at a small valley,
a valley that looked rather kind,
and the bells announcing his arrival,
oh, how they chimed.

Brishing bangs from his face,
he led his mare toa stall,
and then called for a messenger,
and had them send his call.

Word spread quickly through the valley,
and soon he got word
about the whereabouts of his brother,
and he didn't like what he heard.

Following word of his brother,
he made his way to the pits,
which were filled with bodies,
and his eyes narrowed into slits.

Gazing into the merciless pits,
looking for the remains,
he could not find the place,
where his brother was lain.

Hope surged within him,
maybe he had heard wrong,
maybe his brother was still alive,
alive and well and strong.

He made his way through the valley,
desperate like never before,
he had some hope of his brother's well being,
but oh, he wanted more.

Fervently wanting to find his brother,
he gazed around,
and found an inert form,
lying on the ground.

Gasping aloud with disbelief,
he ran toward the form,
and a wave of sorrow hit him,
like dark clouds in a storm.

Down on one knee next to his brother,
he ran shaky fingers through his hair,
trying to think clearly,
but he could only stare.

His eyes went wide when
he heard his brother moan,
and he could have cried,
for he was no longer alone.

His brother was bloody and couldn't move,
so he tried to help him up,
but his brother weakly told him it was no use,
that his time was up.

He didn't want it to be true,
and he held his brother tight,
letting those salty tears fall freely,
constantly whispering that he would be all right.

All that night he pleaded,
begging his brother to stay,
but unfortunately it was far too late,
and his cherished brother passed away.

For a while he was in shock,
and then he star4ed to shout,
saying it wasn't fair,
and letting it all out.

Anguish rolled over him like a wave,
and he cried out "why?"
and more tears hurried out,
as he continued to cry.

He recovered late that night,
and dug a shallow grave,
for he wanted to do something for him,
for the brother he couldn't save.

1
2
3
4
5

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

mikepyro | April 25, 2008 - 23:41

Brishing bangs = brushing

very nice, dif style. very deep and unique. almost dark. like the pit idea too. makes the reader wonder what had happened.

"letting it all out" - bit of a akward line, maybe just me.

good job

Leno | April 26, 2008 - 00:53

Thanks.

animan | April 26, 2008 - 08:54

yes, this is a very ambitious piece and has lots of great stuff in it. The first stanza, in particular, is a fantastic piece of verse by any standards and would make a great beginning for a descriptive, rather than narrative, piece of poetry as well.

Leno | April 26, 2008 - 16:04

Thank you! ^_^