The smooth skin of the lake
Ripples with every breeze that strokes it.
Beside me, you stand
Expressionless
Gazing out on the icy water.
I take your hand and tuck it into mine.
Try to pull you away from the view
That threatens to steal you away from me.
As we walk, you free your hand
To straighten your coat
And don’t place it back in mine.
I walk beside you, tuck my empty palm
Into one empty pocket.
You turn your face away
Just slightly
And pretend to watch the waves
Eating away the shore.
Your face is hard
Expressionless
I feel a tremor of fear,
Because I cannot read it.
It is like an unknown language to me,
Where I can see every word,
But only guess what it means.
As shadows lengthen, you sigh,
And turn your face to mine,
Your smile doesn’t quite reach the corner
Of your lips
But it is a smile.
And right now,
For that, I am thankful.
Comments
tcook | March 17, 2008 - 18:32
I really like this - apart from the penultimate verse, which, typo accepted, seems to tell me too much and yet adds nothing to the overall sentiment.
I may well be wrong on this. Let's see what others think!
Ewan | March 17, 2008 - 19:41
I think you're right TC; the poem would be much more satisfying for me without that verse. Without it the male-female communication gap is perfectly encapsulated. I suspect others might disagree, and that the writer prefers to state the case this overtly.
Doeslittle | March 17, 2008 - 20:24
Also totally agree...had a little knot in my stomach as I read it which disappeared when I got to that stanza. It felt like it became a bit cliched. I'm not sure cliched is the right word...obvious?Otherwise, I really liked it. Sad, especially the bit when you don't get his hand back - you captured that moment perfectly.
mykle | March 18, 2008 - 23:53
I found that mentioning the threatening silence and how it's dealt with it was fine.
I'm no good at blank verse but something like...
The silence threatens
I muster memories
Search the album of us
To maybe find a hook
To draw you back
little chilli | May 26, 2008 - 09:14
hey!
Read your comments and agree about the penultimate verse. When i posted the poem i wasnt entirely happy with the whole thing, and now i think it works much better with that stanza removed.
Thanks for the feedback! Hope this has improved the poem!