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He died I think,

Posted by littleditty on April 3, 2008 - 14:01
from the ABC set Sometimes, only paint will do.

He died I think, not on the trolley
in the corridor –it was later,
perhaps in a cubicle, or a bed,
I can’t remember –I can’t remember
anything before or after the trolley
except for a Christmas Cat
who had appeared
to die, with me, in spasms
on one of the few nights of the year
when there was no Vet working,
no shops, no people in the building,
no numbers to call, except yours;
just a cardboard box I made soft as possible
and this Christmas Cat, in spasms,
it must have gone on for ages,
nobody to help me, or him. I tried
to find a way to get him some water,
I can’t remember –I can’t remember
anything more, except phoning you
saying ‘I think he’s dieing...come quick’
and you were so disgraceful as usual, it felt cruel,
even though that’s just how some are
when they are ugly and hurting inside,
when they can’t easily see another exists,
so all I could do was rest my hand on his body,
listening to the throws of different languages,
pretending I could understand, Cat,
right there in the corridor, while he flailed
gracefully through darkness, light, and left.

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Comments

littleditty | April 3, 2008 - 19:30

Autobiography, death of a dear relative, and a Christmas cat, do i need more reference to the hospital?? Or did you get that ok? Thanks peeps,N

keleph | April 3, 2008 - 21:35

really strong poem. i felt the sadness just build and build throughout.
only the line "it must have gone on for ages" seems slightly out of tone with the rest. (maybe thats just me though)
really enjoyed it.
thanks

littleditty | April 3, 2008 - 22:19

keleph, thank you for what you said - i'll look at that line with the rest, i thought the same about it -edit suggestions always welcome, helps me think, cheers

anipani | April 4, 2008 - 11:58

wonderful, poignant, evocative.

_jacobea_ | April 6, 2008 - 18:45

I can certainly feel the sadness in this.

animan | April 7, 2008 - 15:21

I do really like this - I like the bravery of the line, in that it's one sentence and you manage to pull that off so tellingly. But I do feel I wanted more help as to the fact that this is 2 deaths - I only really figured that out from your comment. Hope you don't mind my saying that - I suppose a cat wouldn't be on a trolley in a Vet and anyway a Vet wasn't available but still - you never know. I don't think it needs a major change to achieve that just one very brave little extra line to get that point across, perhaps somewhere near that very telling semi-colon. Great stuff - really liked it.

littleditty | April 7, 2008 - 20:35

thanks animan, i will try -i agree it needs some thing more, thanks for saying so because i couldn't see very clearly without comments here and elsewhere! i'll come back to this one - cheers all, and thanks for the fruit :)

Yutka | April 10, 2008 - 10:24

Sadness crept in reading this and I turned to my very old cat, sleeping most of the hours, stroking her thinning fur and wishing for an end like that for her (or even for myself):

while he flailed
gracefully through darkness, light, and left..

this, even in sadness, is wonderful.
Yutka:)

littleditty | April 10, 2008 - 14:56

aw..thanks my friend, much sadness from which something wonderful is found i hoped in the reading of it - thanks for what you said :) xx

chelseyflood | April 28, 2008 - 15:42

I like this, but didn't get the two deaths until I read your comment at the bottom. It will be best left subtle, but perhaps the tiniest hint of human illness will make the stuff about the cat more significant and add an extra layer to the poem.

Just my thoughts,

Chelsey