Book me in to the best hotel you can imagine,
a real dive, somewhere special, it’s unimportant
because I’m coming to get you –
listen out for the gravel under the tyre
of my old Karman Ghia,
revived, for the purpose of this trip -
post-box red, 1965.
I’ll have polished the curves,
packed a picnic under the hood,
and she’ll purr along the open road,
stop, in those traditional neighbourhoods
where I am yours - and you,
you are mine. So book me in my love,
and we’ll go slow enough to see the bees kiss
the pink almond scent of springtime
blossom, slow enough
to remember each time we have felt
anything quite like this.
*
Comments
Doeslittle | February 25, 2008 - 22:43
Beautiful.
littleditty | February 25, 2008 - 23:28
thanks :) im still thinking, edit suggestions welcome :)
Ewan | February 26, 2008 - 13:43
'to remember each time that there was' ???
But this poem seems perfect already.
luigi_pagano | February 26, 2008 - 14:00
Quite delightful, dear Nicky.
The only change I would possibly implement is to make the last four lines into three as below:
'the pink almond scent of springtime blossom,
slow enough to remember each time
we have felt anything quite like this.'
But it is obviously a personal choice and it is a mere suggestion.
Love, Luigi.
littleditty | February 26, 2008 - 14:25
thanks chaps -Ewan, its a possibility! much smoother, but may be doesnt tug in the same way i was trying for - and Luigi, it was all about slowing the poem up there -it's a bit tricky! Thanks for suggestions - thinking of smoother first line...Book me in to the best hotel you can imagine - it's easier? hm. lol. Thanks! Nx
kim.rooney | February 26, 2008 - 17:49
Yep- I liked this.
Only suggestion I'd make is:
'because I’m coming for you' –
It's a bit smoother and emphasises the passion ...for you rather than get you?
littleditty | February 26, 2008 - 22:53
Kim, thanks -i thought about this -and there are two 'for...' following quickly after this :( 'coming to get you..' is less smooth, more direct bold and active - idea of memory retrieval in this line...and ghosty's - lol -thanks for helping me think about this one poem -Nx
anipani | February 27, 2008 - 18:39
perfect , lovely read, and the ending is sublime.