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Time Falls

Posted by Louise178 on August 15, 2010 - 09:32
from the ABC set Poems

Steady living of life disrupted------ with space upon space, mountain
spikes low, high flat bottomed out
dull soft notes silent knock in black stark ink
conciousness struggles to fathom flounders in dark

Communication stuttered, collapsed, compassion
guilty
rested, wanted more, it protested and sat arms folded
steady, steady tread missed step as you fell ten
thousand feet
and woke from horrid sickening sleep.

No rest, but the treadmill sets off, the mind relieved
heart resets, continuing again it's constant beat
scared as a child, you calm, realise you are
still here
just a glitch, nothing significant, a snip of time.

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Comments

Louise178 | August 15, 2010 - 09:33

I couldn't really set this out how I wanted, have used hyphens to signify spaces.

Larkin Williamson | August 15, 2010 - 16:57

I like this....the dashing images. I use periods instead of hyphens. Write and smile! :)

Louise178 | August 15, 2010 - 17:48

Thanks Larkin, love your name it is brilliant, good idea about periods, have had a sneaky look at a couple of your pieces, mm very nice, love your subtle rhythm, where it's nearly there, just about, it's very clever, does actually remind me of a very famous american poet! When I can write like that person I will die happy! mm better than sex.

insertponceyfre... | August 16, 2010 - 07:03

I like this too Louise - great imagery!

Louise178 | August 16, 2010 - 07:08

Thank you , it's lovely to have had comments from two really good writers, thanks again.

Kahdai | September 6, 2010 - 18:49

This is sad to me, also quite spooky, yet its exciting & mysterious too, really like this one Louise! K

Louise178 | September 7, 2010 - 06:34

Thank you Kahdai for your interesting comment, you are kind.