E or J

Hello, I liked your poem and I'm interested to know who E and J are. I'm no expert on poetry, I write some but mainly prose, but for what it's worth your poem's fine. It conveys a nice sentiment - the difficult choice between two people we are fond of. You like them both, but know you cannot have both, and how do you choose one without upsetting the other. Such is life. I like the 'his freckles adding more to his looks' bit. I don't think anybody can say what's wrong or right about a poem, they are very subjective things, and what means something to the writer may not be seen in the same way by the reader. Yet it will always strike a chord with someone, they may see what you have written differently to how you saw it, but it still has resonance with them. I would't worry about the rights and wrongs of your writing, you learn by doing and reading and just general practice. You will get to know yourself what works and what doesn't. Listen to the metre (rhythm) of what you have written by reading it out loud to yourself. When I rhyme (rhyming is by no means essential) two lines, I also try to match the number of syllables as well, in this way it tends to form a lyrical feel and sound. But that's not to say that it's right. If we follow rules too rigidly, particularly in writng, as regards grammar, etc, the result will is always stilted and lifeless. You are allowed imperfections in art, that's what gives art its vitality. I know imagery is important, in story writing, but particularly in poetry. If you strive to write in pictures your writing will 'leap off the page' to coin an overworked phrase. Hope this helps. I'd be pleased to help you more sometime. Keep writing, and you'll get better.

Trev

For me this isn't really a poem - it's just prose written in short lines. A poem needs to say a lot more than its words - that's the whole purpose of it. It needs to use language in a way that the single can express the universal. It's not easy!

i agree with tcook:"It needs to use language in a way that the single can express the universal." it would be more "poem" to describe E and J and the struggle to choose in a more metaphorical way. describe them as what they remind you of or how they make you feel.

i'd choose J, by the way, but i'm partial to the letter.

jason

thank you 3 for taking your time to read and comment on this.
thank you trev, for the advice,
and thanks jason and tcook for telling me that. i'm not much of a poetry writer, so this wasn't such a good one.

~:)alyssa(:~