Miss Willoughby (has massive tits)

Not being familiar with 'Miss Willoughby' or even sure if she is a real person, I felt a little disconnected from this character but enjoyed the poem nonetheless.

Oh, Holly Willoughby is a real person alright. If you close your eyes and think really hard, I'm sure you can connect with her.

Thanks for reading.

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This must be an old poem as Holly Willoughby hasn't been a children's TV presenter for years. In fact, the whole genre of traditional children's telly is virtually extinct.

Perhaps this needs to be updated, or re-written as a nostalgia piece.

I would like to see a stronger, less lavatorial punch line.

Maybe it's not your intent, but there is a 'serious' point that could be made here with a slight shift of emphasis and sharper humour.

Yeah, this poem's a couple of years old. I don't think it needs updating though, because all poems date eventually, don't they? Some of Chaucer's stuff is really out of date.

I see what you mean about the crude punch line of "in the toilet". I've changed it to the less blunt "flushing the toilet". You probably don't think that's much of an improvement, but I think it is.

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And there I was, imagining a bukkake reference.

OK, I'll come back to your piece in a few hundred years. It'll probably be a valuable historical artefact by then, though schoolkids will find the language incomprehensible and roundly curse your name.

I'd be tempted to use a single word for the last line... maybe "Relieved."

:O)

Clever suggestion, Mykle. But too subtle, I reckon...

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I liked the last line, it was unexpected after the repetition of description preceding and added a much needed shock to the tale.

Thanks, keleph. I'm happier with the ending now.

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'Holly Willoughby is a real person alright. If you close your eyes and think really hard, I'm sure you can connect with her.'

Nah, I'm not getting anything. All I can see is a pair of huge breasts but no other features.

'Holly Willoughby hasn't been a children's TV presenter for years.'

Ah, see this explains it. I'm Australian so her show was probably never aired her and besides, I'm an old bastard (sorry - middle-aged) and haven't watched children's television for many, many years.

"I'm an old bastard (sorry - middle-aged) and haven't watched children's television for many, many years."

You should do. It's worth a stiffie.

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Actually, I thought about it and realised I have watched kids television recently. I watched part of an Aussie show called 'Hi-5' with the sound off. The girls, while all shiny and glittery, are very cute indeed.

But I didn't get a stiffie. No, really...