Chapter 5: Tea And Cake
Once reunited with our own coats and escorted by about a dozen large men to the car park, we drove away in a convoy with the same men all on motorbikes, Corner leading the pack all the way. We never saw a trace of the men in suits but I gathered they were probably not having a whole lot of fun. We followed Corner north a few miles to a suburb on the outskirts of Swindon, I put the heating in the car on full blast but Selkie still shivered the whole journey her teeth chattering loudly.
We arrived outside a house and a woman emerged who, judging by the similarity in size, I assumed to be Corner's sister. She greeted us all enthusiastically and then, after taking one look at Selkie, said 'Christ girl look at the state of you, you've gone blue, lets get you up and under a hot shower,' and whisked her away. Stokes and me were provided with dry clothes so ludicrously oversized that only by keeping at least one hand in our pockets could we prevent the trousers from falling down. We were bustled and rushed about at the still centre of a storm of activity, never permitted to help in any way. Eventually we found ourselves sat on a sofa with mugs of tea and thick slabs of rich chocolate cake surrounded by a crowd of large bikers all tucking enthusiastically into the same. Selkie appeared wrapped up in more towels than could be found in the most branches of Debenhams, and was sat on the sofa opposite and provided with her own tea and cake.
Corner sank, with an ominous creak, a long way down into an armchair and beamed at us, his sister, by now introduced as Ruth, perched herself on the arm of the sofa but never for more than two minutes before some vital need sent her back into the kitchen only to emerge moments later with yet more to eat.
I looked across at Selkie and she smiled, I must have looked confused because she gestured downwards to show me two enormous pink fluffy slippers with bunny faces on them. She picked up her feet and waggled them in turn.
'So,' said Corner, 'what's been going on?'
'We don't know exactly,' said Wilhelmina, 'but something big.'
Corner smiled, 'big things I like, what do you know?'
'You've noticed the rain?' said Wilhelmina.
'I've noticed it hasn't stopped for a week.'
'It has,' said Selkie, 'twenty minutes to and twenty minutes past every hour, it stops for just a moment.'
'That's weird,' said Corner.
'You're telling us,' said Stokes through a mouthful of cake.
'So what's doing it?'
'England,' said Wilhelmina, 'it's reacting to something.'
'And you don't know what?'
'We know who.'
Selkie and her mother looked at each other, I could not decipher either look and Stokes was too interested in his cake to catch my eye.
'So,' said Corner, 'don't act all mysterious, who?'
'It's the Black Goat.'
The room went silent, half a dozen bikers stood with mugs of tea or slices of cake held to their lips but suddenly not chewing or drinking.
'Crap,' said Corner, 'I thought it was just going to be more government nerks.'
The bikers fidgeted, one of them put down his empty mug with on a coffee table with a nervous rattle and everyone turned to look at him.
'I'll err¦' he said, 'I think I'll go out to the garage and join the others.'
'Yeah,' said another, 'me too.'
The remaining two bikers standing in the room muttered that they would go too.
'Tell the lads it's The Black Goat,' said Corner, as loud and as confident as ever, 'and tell them we'll have a chapter meeting when the others get back.'
The bikers nodded and shuffled out of the room, each of them thanking Ruth for her hospitality as they went.
'I can't order them to do anything,' said Corner, directly to Stokes, 'but I'll ask them to do whatever you need and they'll all agree to do it.' He turned to Wilhelmina. 'Don't you worry, we're still on your side.'
'I'm afraid,' said Wilhelmina, 'that there may not be much more you can do. Thank you all the same.'
'I'll go back,' said Selkie.
Everyone turned to her, she was looking at the floor between herself and her mother. 'I'll go back to them,' she said, 'and find out what they are up to.'
Nobody said anything in reply. Selkie looked up at her mother who did not say anything.
'I'll make another pot of tea,' said Ruth, 'who wants more tea.'
Corner drained his mug and said 'me please Ruth. And could you see if the lads want a drop more.'
'Of course,' said Ruth.
'You're a wonder me love,' he said. Ruth smiled indulgently and left.
'I can't let you do that darling,' said Wilhelmina to her daughter.
'I have to,' said Selkie, 'we need to know or we might as well just go home.'
'Your mother's right Selkie love,' said Corner, 'the Black Goat is very dangerous.'
'I know all about the Black Goat,' said Selkie.
'I won't let you,' said Wilhelmina.
'It isn't your decision mother,' answered Selkie.
'Just supposing¦' Stokes interjected very fast before the two of them had a chance to get an argument going. 'Just supposing we can't find another way and you do this, whether the rest of us like it or not, how would you do it?'
'How did you find out it was them?' asked Selkie.
Stokes looked to see if Wilhelmina was going to answer and, seeing that she was not, said 'they have been seen over the past two months, first at Grey Wethers, Flagstone and Stanton Drew, then almost certainly on the Isle of Man although we cannot be one hundred percent sure of that, and then finally at Avebury just last week. That is for certain, there is enough folks at Avebury would recognise 'em from a hundred yards away and know very well to keep further than that if possible.'
'So they're not hiding?' said Selkie.
'No. Definitely not.'
'And the rain thing is obvious by now, to anyone who knows what to look for?'
'Yes.'
'Then I'd just find them, and tell them that whatever they're doing is obviously big and I want to be a part of it.'
'The bigness of the thing,' said Wilhelmina, 'is the problem, they are going to be nervous, and suspicious.'
'Trust me,' said Selkie, 'they'd be more suspicious if I didn't want in.'
'Either way,' said Stokes, 'we've got to find them first.'
'Just promise me,' said Wilhelmina to her daughter,' that you won't do anything without letting me know.'
Selkie nodded. 'I promise, she said.
'I know you started to tell me,' I said, 'but who are the Black Goat?'
'If you don't know you're better off not knowing,' said Corner.
I looked at Selkie but Selkie just looked at Stokes.
'Listen,' said Stokes, 'there's not a lot that is known about druids, they didn't write anything down and the only people who wrote anything about them was the Romans right before they killed off the lot of them, which once you've met the Black Goat, you'll agree was a good idea. The culture survived a bit longer in Ireland and there are a few stories but that's all folklore and fairy tales. Everything anybody thinks they know about druids was all invented by a few posh wankers with nothing better to do in the eighteenth century. Ninety percent of the people who think they are druids are just tree huggers with a penchant for dancing about in the buff. The Black Goat is different.'
At that point Ruth reappeared with a pot of tea and set it down on the coffee table, there was a brief pause while everyone who needed refilling was refilled.
'Would you like some sandwiches?' asked Ruth.
We all hastily thanked her but declined except for Corner, who looked disappointed, and said 'maybe later Ruth love.' Ruth perched herself on the end of the sofa again.
'How is the Black Goat different?' I asked.
'The Black Goat were not interested in lore, they did not want to learn anything from any other man, they wanted to discover it, to rediscover what Caesar had, in his wisdom, bumped off.'
Stokes took a drink of his tea. 'When was this?' I asked.
'First off,' he said, 'about thirty, thirty-five years ago. They messed about, when everyone else was cooing over Stonehenge prattling on about how it was a big sun calendar or whatever they thought it was at the time, the Black Goat were trying to work out what it actually did. They were sacrificing chickens on it, they were screwing each other on it, they were chanting round it. Anything they could think of that might get an effect, they were trying to do the magic from the fairy tales, they wanted to stop rivers flowing and blow mountains over. Course there was this whole big paganism subculture thing going on about then, but nobody in the community liked the Black Goat and the Black Goat didn't like nobody. Anyway eventually the police put a stop to all these idiots mucking about on stone circles and the Black Goat disappear up north to some site in Scotland they'd bought, and do you know what they did?'
I shook my head.
'They built their own bloody stone circle up there and continued their experiments. They'd appear sometimes, at solstices and that, but mostly they just kept to themselves up on their bit of private land, eating god knows what and getting up to god knows what. They'd recruit a bit by word of mouth, every so often someone who was into being a druid but realised it was all robes and bullshit might hear about the real thing up in Scotland and go and see if they could get in, and every so often someone came out and back into the community, and they told some nasty stories.'
'Like what?'
'Like ritual killings, torturing animals, living wild. There was always rumours of human sacrifice but that was always someone who knew someone who met a guy, probably bullshit.' Stokes put his mug down and jabbed his finger on the table. 'But this is the thing,' he said, 'everyone who went up there went because they thought it was all bullshit and wanted to find the real thing, nobody who came back said it was bullshit, they all said it was scary but definitely real, and these were the smart ones who went, the one who weren't taken in by the usual crap.'
'Tell him about the travellers,' said Corner.
'Oh yeah the travs,' said Stokes, 'this was what, eighty-nine, ninety?'
'About then,' said Corner.
'A bunch of travs had gone up there, just doing what they do, but got on the wrong side of these guys somehow. They were never seen again. Nobody found their vehicles, nothing, not a shred. Rumours was¦ well the rumours was real nasty but just rumours. What's facts is the police investigated and two officers were killed.'
'Killed?'
'Stabbed, with ritual daggers, and the hearts removed, that's the actual text of your coroners report there.'
'They must have done something about that?'
'Oh you bet they bloody did, sent an army of fucking armed police in, killed four of them resisting arrest and took one back to be tried for murder. He's still in nick up in Scotland somewhere.'
'Killed five guys inside,' said Corner. 'Yardies, angels, you name it, pissed off everyone you shouldn't piss off but none of them's touched him.'
'Calls himself Mug Ruith,' said Stokes, 'nobody knows what his real name is.'
'They all call him the druid of course,' said Corner, 'you talk to anyone who's been inside, they know who the druid is.'
'Of course you'd think the cops would have broke them up after that, put a stop to it, but you know what they did?'
'No.' I said.
'Not a bloody thing. Nobody knows why, somebody somewhere was got to, that's the only explanation. And you never saw a Black Goat druid south of Hadrian's wall after that. Not till last month.'
'And that,' said Wilhelmina, 'is who the Black Goat are.'
'You said they bought this land in Scotland?' I said.
'Yes.'
'So there must be money behind them.'
Stokes shrugged, 'who knows, maybe one of them was rich.'
'But who did they buy it off.'
'I have not got the faintest idea,' said Stokes, 'it's in the highlands, just tundra and forest, worthless really.'
'They must have bought it off someone,' I said, 'perhaps the government.'
'Perhaps,' said Stokes, 'whoever sold it was probably glad to get rid of it.'
At that moment there was the noise of more motorbikes pulling up outside the house, Selkie, I noticed, tensed as if ready to run. The doorbell rung and Ruth got up and answered it and three more bikers walked in. Corner beamed when he saw them, 'lads,' he said, 'what's the news.'
'Well,' said the first, a gaunt grizzled man not a day under fifty, 'there was six of those blokes in suits in total, we kept close as stink to them while you were leaving, they guessed you'd gone of course but they didn't see where.'
'Good,' said Corner.
'You boys look soaked through,' said Ruth, 'can I get you some tea and sandwiches?'
'That would just be the ticket thanks Ruth,' said the grizzled biker.
Corner said 'I'd fancy a sandwich Ruth dear,' as she disappeared out of the room and then, turning back to the biker, asked 'any bother?'
'One of them got all riled up and pulled a piece,' he said, but Mickey was standing behind him with a baseball bat at the time and you know what Mickey's like about guns, broke the fella's wrist just like that wham!' He mimed the action and at least Selkie and I flinched in horror.
'Anything else?' asked Corner.
'No, after that they were pretty begging us to take their guns off 'em. Well nothing that'll show in the morning anyway.'
Corner laughed, 'what did you do with them?' he said.
'Well we figured we couldn't really let them go or they'd have the rozzers down on us faster than a curry shite, and it was fair pissing it down, so we took 'em to the Red Lion for a session.'
'I like it mate, and Tolly was okay?'
'Tolly was so glad to see us it was drinks on the house all night, but a couple of us need to get home to our loving wives or there'd be all kinds of trouble, thought we'd better drop in and let you know the score.'
'The score is one nil to us I think, who's there?'
'Mickey, Ted, the Coman brothers, all that Melksham crew.'
'That'll be a good night.'
'They've got your lads bricking themselves in the corner force feeding 'em drinks that is more spike than drink. They'll dump 'em in a barn once they pass out and they'll wake up tomorrow not knowing what hit 'em.'
Corner laughed again, 'I like it mate, I like it, you've done well.'
'Look Corner,' said the man, 'the lads out there is saying it's the Black Goat.'
'Yeah mate, it is.'
'Well some of the younger ones, there just talking all sorts of shit don't know what they're on about.'
'Alright,' said Corner, 'I was going to wait till everyone was here but I suppose that ain't going to happen for a while now. Bring 'em in and I'll tell 'em what's going on.'
'Right you are,' said the biker and went outside to fetch the rest of them, who were, I gathered, all standing about in the garage talking about motorbikes. There was some commotion to fit the lot of them in the room but despite our protests we were not allowed to move from the sofa, and once all arranged around the walls everyone had to be provided with tea and sandwiches which took even longer. Somehow I ended up holding a huge ham and mustard sarnie I thought I had declined. I ate it anyway, it seemed impolite not to.
'Right lads,' said Corner, now sunk so far down into the steadily subsiding armchair it was questionable if he would be able to rise under his own power, 'it seems these pinstripe coppers might not be our only problem, Vinny and Stokes and their friends says the Black Goat might be involved.'
There was a general murmur around the room.
'Now listen up,' said Corner, 'there's a lot of shite talked about the Black Goat but both me and Stokes here have tangled with them in the past and we're both still in one piece.'
'More or less,' said Stokes. Several of the bikers laughed.
'Sure they are a bunch of amoral anti-social dangerous bastards,' continued Corner, 'but what the fuck are we eh?' He looked around the room and then with growing laughter said 'a bunch of amoral, anti-social, dangerous, fucking bastards.' Corner let the laughter die down and then continued. 'Now we don't know what they're up to yet, and whatever it is, it's no problem of ours, so if anything is asked of us, that's what it is, asked, and if you don't want to tangle with the Black Goat, well I won't have no quarrel with that.'
'Fuck that,' said one of the bikers, it was greeted with a general murmur of agreement. Corner smiled broadly and proudly.
'What are you going to do now?' asked one of the bikers.
'We've got to find them,' said Stokes, 'and find out what they're up to.'
'How will you do that?'
'Right now,' said Stokes, 'we don't know.'
'Should go to Bedford,' said a voice from the back of the room.
'What's that Nugget?' asked Corner.
A young biker spoke up. 'I was just saying,' he said, that you should go to Bedford. They've got this pagan metal band on tonight, there'll be loads of druid types there. I was going to go myself but well, this happened.'
'The Black Goat don't exactly socialise with you average druids,' said Corner.
'Yeah,' said the biker called Nugget, 'but this crowd is pretty hardcore, it was one of them first told me about the Black Goat, one of their road crew used to be one.' I noticed both Corner and Stokes looked towards Selkie and she gave the tiniest of shrugs.
'If there's druid stuff going on,' continued Nugget, 'someone there will know.'
'Worth a shot,' said Stokes, 'and it's not like we have anything else.'
Nugget looked at his watch, 'we could get there in time,' he said.
'Right then,' said Corner, 'anyone who fancies seeing a rock and roll band in Bedford saddle up, the rest of you clear out of my sister's house, you're making the place look untidy.'
Ruth tutted and fussed about collecting empty mugs. Corner raised an arm the size of a side of beef into the air and shouted out 'and one of you bastards pull me up.'
There was a lot more commotion, our dry clothes had to be returned to us, every single biker had to shake hands with us all and say goodbye before going, Ruth had to be dissuaded from making us something to eat on the way. Somewhere in the confusion Selkie grabbed my arm.
'I can't really ask you¦' she said.
'I'll go,' I replied.
'I won't,' said Wilhelmina from behind us. Selkie turned and gave her a questioning look. 'there's other things I could be doing,' she continued, 'and besides, heavy metal clubs aren't exactly my scene these days.'
'It might not be safe,' said Selkie, 'going home.'
'If they knew where we lived they'd have turned up a long time ago,' said Wilhelmina, 'besides, I can make it safe if I have to.'
'Be careful,' said Selkie.
Wilhelmina clasped both her daughter hands in hers. 'You too,' she said. They each seized each other in a tight hug for a second before springing apart. Wilhelmina turned to me and took my hand. 'Goodbye Mitchell,' she said, 'yet again you've been more help than I think you realise.'
'You not coming Vinny?' said Stokes.
'No,' she said, 'but you go, you'd me a lot more use there than I ever would.'
'Well I'm going,' bellowed Corner, thumping hands the size of dinner plates on mine and Stokes' shoulders, 'ages since I've had a good knees up.'
