Home

The Appliance Of Science

Posted by Mangone on May 6, 2009 - 13:26
from the ABC set Tales Of The Rainbow Dragon

As a child I lived in a dingy corner of the local library. You may have seen me there sat, cross-legged, on the floor reading old books on philosophy, religion and science. Trying to find answers.

I used to wonder why no-one ever simply printed the answers in their books - they often promised to but never actually delivered.
Oh, occasionally you would come across a book which did purport to contain all the answers but checking with other, similar, sources it would turn out to be simple opinion carefully listing the arguments in its favour while disregarding or totally avoiding evidence which didn’t fit..

Being naïve I decided that those who really KNEW were simply keeping it to themselves.
It finally dawned on me that maybe the answers were there it was simply that I didn’t understand them.

In the end I chose science over the rest because it seemed that at least scientists could agree.
The more modern books were somewhere else and it appeared that science believed that the Universe was simply constructed of three things.
Protons, Neutrons and Electrons; Positive, Neutral and Negative.

It seemed as if combining a Proton and an Electron might produce a Neutron so my Universe was quite simple. It fitted well with the religious Trinity of several major religions and it was philosophically pleasing.

Around this time I began to take an interest in girls. So, I was quite disappointed to find no books on kissing. I concluded that it couldn’t be very important if there were no books about it so I reluctantly stayed in my little corner of the library reading philosophy.
AS science and religion seemed to have fairly well explained the Universe I was now interested in what my role in it might be and how to be happy.

Quite by chance, I expect, I found a book on swimming misfiled in my little corner.
It was written by some scientist who had a theory that we were all descended from Atlanteans and hence our babies still carried the genetic information which allowed them to swim like fish .

He didn’t explain why the ability to swim is lost and so we need to learn to do it again.
In fact he couldn’t swim himself but gave a quite long account explaining exactly what was necessary to swim which he had deduced from long observation of people who could swim.

Looking at the pictures of girls in their swimming costumes it occurred to me that swimming might be a good way to learn more about kissing… in a way I was right.

I eventually managed to force myself to the local baths and stumbled through the strange ritual of changing cubicles and showers. Finally I leap into the water and it’s nothing like the book said!
I try to perform the frog like motions as described but with little success and start to drown…
Everything goes blurred and panic stricken for a few bright moments that last for hours and then strong arms pull me from the water, punch me in the stomach and then warm lips are pressed to mine.
I opened my eyes to see a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes which pulled back to reveal blonde hair and a lovely face. “Are you alright” she asked “I’m wonderful.” I replied.

From that day to this I’ve had a lot more faith in kissing than scientists!

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

chuck | May 6, 2009 - 14:13

Good one mangone. Science and humanity neatly reconciled.

Mangone | May 6, 2009 - 14:38

Thanks Chuck!

I'm not sure about reconciled, classified maybe :O)

chuck | May 6, 2009 - 14:50

Temporarily reconciled?

Mangone | May 6, 2009 - 14:53

Well... yes.
After I took to kissing scientists :O)

FTSE100 | May 6, 2009 - 15:16

The secrets of kissing are closely guarded by the Osculators. It's a secret organisation that meets above the chippy on Wednesday evenings. By the time you attain Grand Wizard of the Seventh Orb status you'll know all about kissing but be far too old to do it.

Mangone | May 6, 2009 - 15:37

Thanks FTSE.
Of course I no longer care about secrets...
err, any hint as to which chippy?

SundaysChild | May 6, 2009 - 17:17

Lovely tone, very original. Made me smile. Really liked: 'I try to perform the frog like motions as described but with little success and start to drown ...'. Good work.

celticman | May 6, 2009 - 17:47

Sounds like a true story, apart from one thing. Obviously she didn't have blond hair. You made that up and it can be scientifically proven.

Mangone | May 6, 2009 - 18:08

Inexplicably, it is always the beautiful blue eyed blondes that save my life but the beautiful brown eyed brunettes I end up living with, Celtic.
Perhaps it’s because I see the blonds as angels and I still want a bit of a devil.

Thanks Sunday, it was worth writing just to make you smile; I can tell you’re a brunette ;O)

SundaysChild | May 6, 2009 - 18:56

Dark blonde actually; I like to multi task.

Mangone | May 6, 2009 - 19:28

LOL.

celticman | May 6, 2009 - 20:56

blonds-brunettes, angels and demons. Damn already been done.

Mangone | May 6, 2009 - 21:38

Lol.

Dynamaso | May 7, 2009 - 01:35

Hahaha... Very good, although I have to ask; where does it leave the redheads - purgatory?

mikepyro | May 7, 2009 - 03:15

redheads have always pretty much been stuck there.
not to mention the black haird's (real word, probably not)

Mangone | May 7, 2009 - 07:35

Thanks chaps!
Next story "Back To Black - From Heaven To The Hairdressers" :O)

Ewan | May 7, 2009 - 08:30

Ah.. you are no gentleman, Sir. I am informed that gentlemen prefer blondes. A propos, neither am I: and I have no preference other than that it should be someone given to keeping me awake at night.

PS I liked the ´frogs´ bit too.

Mangone | May 7, 2009 - 09:37

Thanks Ewan.
I usually go for someone who doesn’t mind me keeping her awake at night :O)

Ewan | May 7, 2009 - 09:40

LOL, I'm too old to take the initiative.

Mangone | May 7, 2009 - 09:43

I meant watching late night movies... honest ;O)

tcook | May 8, 2009 - 10:20

All this talk of hair makes me very cross.

Bald is beautiful!

Mangone | May 13, 2009 - 21:27

Buddist monks certainly seem to think so ... well, maybe bald is best :O)

C_A_JONEStechno | October 25, 2009 - 21:37

C A Jones
I wish all you people lived within dining distance. :-*

Mangone | October 25, 2009 - 22:15

No smoking on this thread Cweed :O)

DavidMcAuley | October 25, 2009 - 22:30

Brilliant science ie light within the maddening equations. Really loved this. Thankyou.

Mangone | October 26, 2009 - 09:16

Thanks David.

Tom Brown | January 8, 2010 - 19:51

I find your thought patterns rather incoherent, but it's a very good thing to take an interest in mathematics, most people battle simply because they don't want to understand.

C_A_JONEStechno | January 8, 2010 - 20:44

I find the thought patterns easy to follow, but then I am insane....... :)

Mangone | January 8, 2010 - 22:39

Thanks Tom - enjoyed your school days :O)

Mangone | January 8, 2010 - 22:42

Aren't we all Carole?
The trick is to take no notice ;O)

C_A_JONEStechno | January 10, 2010 - 13:57

I try, Mangone, but if I'm not mad then everyone else is. I find that rather scary. Mostly because its true, I think. I laughed out loud at the schooldays quip. Flashman was my favourite. I read the Flashman books too. So long ago, it doesn't bear thinking about. :)
C

Mangone | January 10, 2010 - 16:53

When Goethe said "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." he probably didn't realise that it is just as true for thinking.
When thoughts are endlessly dragged back to the same painfull memories to torture the thinker and feed on the pain - then the mind is the ememy and can only be fought by either trying to ignore or managing to laugh at the attempts.
My belief is that this is where the old idea of a devil came from -
a demon that feeds on emotion and prefers pain and fear as they are easier to control!

So, if you can, as I said "Try to take no notice."
or learn to laugh at the devil! ;O)

C_A_JONEStechno | January 11, 2010 - 11:38

I can laugh at the 'devil' now. Only in Christianity is the devil thought to be powerful. It was when the Romans came to Britain, bringing Christianity with them, that they elevated the devil to monsterhood. The hard, fighting men of the north would bow to no-one. The Devil was put forward as almost as powerful as the god they brought, that way there was no shame in fearing the devil.

Christmas is the old pagan solstice festival, Easter is the feast of Oestre,etc., etc., etc

Religion is so full of bs as to be almost funny if people weren't being killed for it.

Anusha_J_Rohom | January 14, 2010 - 07:28

This is so refreshing! The story made me smile so much, as did all the comments! Niiiiiice :)

Mangone | January 14, 2010 - 08:10

Thanks again Anusha!