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Do the British take their brollies?

Posted by Mark Heathcote on July 15, 2009 - 00:09
from the ABC set The kismet fate of serendipity

Do the British take their brollies
On their Las Palmaris hollies?
Do they drink their Earl Grey tea
With two sugar lumps or three?
And whilst sitting besides the sea
Have they enough vinegary chips
Girls with oval red tomato hips
Too saucy for just a kiss
On the lips in hopes she’ll reminisce...
Do the British spend all their pennies?
And take their Pooh bear Winnie’s
And why do they buy mugs and plates?
To show back home their mates
And brag about a bartered price
And return not just once nor twice
But thrice was it really that nice.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Jupiter | July 15, 2009 - 09:52

Hi Mark. I really like the idea of this one ;-)

I feel that with a bit of work it could be a lot of fun ;-)

There are a few typos, including one of your trademark 'to'/'too' errors ("To saucy") in there and it doesn't seem to flow too well imho in places at the moment

For example, this seems to flow better to me :

Do the British take their brollies?
On Las Palmera hollies
Do they drink their Earl Grey tea?
With two lumps or with three

What do you think? :-)

FTSE100 | July 15, 2009 - 12:46

Do the British take their brollies
On their Las Palmeras hollies?
Do they drink their Earl Grey tea
With two sugar lumps or three?

Punctuation!

This version scans.

And the answer is: yes they do. ;)

Jupiter | July 15, 2009 - 13:10

Yes you are quite right about the question marks FTSE - missed that part ;-)

As for the additions - been reading about meter (bored and given up for the moment!) but either I'm stoopid or Mr Fry is a crap teacher - no don't answer that one ;-) lol. Maybe I just need to re-read another thousand times!

Both versions work for me when I read them aloud I'm afraid - chances are though Mark that FTSE is correct so best go with his :-)

Hey Paul why don't I get the benefit of FTSE advice on my pieces? ;-)

pinda | July 15, 2009 - 16:09

What's a brollie,onece i know that I might undertstand this piece lol.

Jupiter | July 15, 2009 - 16:34

Hi Pin. A brollie is an umbrella and I suspect that Las Palmeras is in Spain so it is a joke about British people taking their umbrellas everywhere - including somewhere they obviously won't need them - because the British weather is so uncertain ;-)

Mark Heathcote | July 21, 2009 - 22:00

Mark Heathcote
Jupiter, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I like your changes thank you. They’re very much appreciated as for the trademark typos 'to'/'too' I didn’t start reading or writing until I was ten and did catch-up much so I’ve put it down too dyslexia. But poetry has always been in my life’s blood so I try to do my best. FTSE100 there is a change need here thanks also for your input. :)

Jupiter | July 22, 2009 - 10:01

Hi Mark.
Just trying to make you laugh with the 'trademark' remark - it wasn't meant to be at your expense ;-).
Personally I'm rubbish at poetic meter - so I guess that's my trademark lol.
Good luck with your writing. :-)