Life is like a leather bicycle seat

Life's like a soft cheese triangle
Spread out ever so thin.
Still wearing knight’s foil-wrappings
Over an oily; foreskin...?

Life is like a little candy-snap biscuit;
Of two halves one to be eaten.
Awaiting something; wet, and warm
To devour it declare itself unbeaten.

(For both sexes)

Life is like a leather bicycle seat
...Warmed by a crotch:
In tandem the more you peddle it?
The more it feels a Sasquatch...