Holding a pair of last year's trousers

People love these stories:
cat finds own way home
homeless man finds winning scratchcard in bin
politician leaves dossier on ghost train

but nothing beats the slimmer of the year
holding up a pair of last year's trousers
being told to smile by the local press.
Everyone loves a hero. Guy Goma. Eric the Eel. Rene Higuita

and tabloid readers will laugh
looking at the inset of him three summers ago
when he was at his biggest
in swimming trunks in a paddling pool in his backyard

for his poorly attended fortieth.
'That was the day I realised' he'll tell Matthew Wright on Channel 5
an anecdote about a patio chair snapping in two.
"That's when I decided I had to change."

And you can imagine the euphoria of the trousers getting slacker.
42 inch. 40 inch.
Incramental thinning.
Never throw away those fat jeans

keep them in the wardrobe like that ice hockey shirt given to you
at your cousin's wedding in Canada
those massive jeans are a souvenior
of eating Philadelphia Light

on water biscuits. You did that yourself. Be proud
a photograph saying Any of us can achieve anything.
The slimmer of the year
holding up a pair of last year's trousers.