Johnny had made a promise to myself that the world would know he existed .
He had had a talent and something to say .
He wanted to make sure that he would leave something of himself behind in this world .
Johnny felt hurt and confused , mostly due to the fact of a string of broken relationships . It was difficult to play in a rock and roll band and have a girl friend so each time Johnny fell in love , it soon ended up in conflict with being on the road with the band .
For a little while Johnny tried to leave the band . He even moved back for a while with his Mum and Dad , but once again , music wouldn't let him rest easy at home . Johnny loved his music even though it broke his heart time after time . His life was turned upside down and inside out but that's when he wrote with no rest , with no food , and became a slave to his talent .
Ah but what a great5 talent and the songs he wrote were powerful and full of passion . No one could really understand what he was doing . Why he sacrificed so much for the love of music . He was always going through some kind of personal grief . He constantly threw himself head first into writing lyrics and playing his steel guitar . Now and then he would take out his fender strat and hammer out a few raunchy numbers in the make shift studio he had built in his parents house .
There was so much he needed to get out from the very depths of his being . Within him a great reservoir of emotions had opened up and he lived around the edges of these living waters of his existence .
Some where in his sub coconscious streams of thought lyrics and melodies came pouring out . As the days passed into months , years went by .
When the band was on the road , sometimes he had the opportunity to disappear for a while . The band knew him and realised that he needed space at times to gather his thoughts .
One day in a moment of deep thought Johnny sat on the edge of a mountain with poetry swimming around in his mind .
During this tour period Johnny had not surfaced much except for the performance on stage .
He had been jumping in and out of his imagination like a lion chasing its prey . Johnny was devoured up by creativity time and during this feast
He found ways to cope with his anger .
The band were always so busy trying to record songs and keep tight with their music that they couldn't help Johnny with his moods .
His grief with love and music had sent him spinning into pools of trauma .
Johnny started drinking heavy to cut the hurt .
The more he drank the easier it was to handle what he was going through .
He couldn't see the harm he was doing to himself .
The more he drank , the more he hurt and so he kept going through this spiral .
It was clear he could not continue this lifestyle and something had to give .
One day Johnny decided to buy another car .
He picked up a red sports job with a V8 engine and big wide mag wheels .
His jumped into the machine and his life turned into a nightmare for the next three years .
Driving with alcohol never mixed well with the band .
Johnny moved out of his parents house and into a flat .
The people around him didn't like my music .
Frequently late in the evening Johnny would hear his neighbours bang on his door and ask him to keep quiet .
He never mixed words and often used at times not so polite responses .
One evening the police came around to the door and nearly kicked it in but Johnny answered their intrusion with a gentle rap on their heads with a guitar .
He left the flat screaming and stressed . half dressed and half asleep .
It could have been night time or noon . He never knew these days .
He took a guitar and went down into town and did a bit of busking .
After he had cooled down he scribbled down the first notes of a melody that was in his head on a scrap of paper .
Johnny suddenly began to get back into his music . He felt proud and encouraged with the words of new songs .
He contacted the band and they agreed to cut some of his new stuff in a studio .
After three months their was a new album and Johnny knew it was special .
The band went on a tour to promote the new album and one night after the band finished playing at a gig in the city Johnny got behind the wheel in the van .
All the band got into the van and they put some of their gear in the back .
Johnny was driving and he knew he was drunk when he took the wheel , but still drove the van .
Johnnys sister was also in the car that evening . Everyone was in high spirits .
The new album and the tour were going well .
Suddenly Johnny lost control and the car was involved in a bad accident . He has never forgive himself for that night and still blames himself for the damage he caused to most of the passengers .
Years later his sister is still unable to walk properly and the thing Johnny loved most in life which was his music and playing the guitar has become impossible .
The End
By Paul McCann
