On Nerves Before A First Date

It was brought forward two days-
shit,
two less days to shotgun slimfast,
reignite marathon run dreams,
two less days to convince myself
of the wisdom of arranging to meet,
a woman off my laptop.

watch Sky News, interview with
William Hague. feel better, my neck
could not sag like his,
my voice not drone so,
even have more hair than him.

I have bathed, clipped my skinhead
into submission, mused on cologne volumes,
in the hall I stop-all this for someone
I have never met, a facebook friend,
with a smile that slapped me up
and words that shook me down.
Yes, it is so.

20 minutes deciding if it's possible
to lose weight in an hour,
without the aid of a sauna,
if the Mexican moustache look
is just far too gay for a straight date,
if I will talk too much tonight,
not notice when I’m drunk,
embellish my life beyond reason.

It’s time.
Check teeth.
Sniff pits.
Vodka shot.
Exit.