Drummer Boy

'Hands
punch out
a driving rhythm,
like a typewriter
printing words
only he
can read ...

and I will not
make his heart

skip

a
beat.'

This is really good. The rhythm is perfect and it really captures the beat of the 'Drummer Boy'. A very enjoyable poem. Well done.

Nathan.

Nice one Magic; unusual and enjoyable.

Chris XX

Thank you Nathan! I'm glad I got the rhythm right ;)

Cheers Chris - unusual? :p You wanna elaborate on that?

Magic xxx

fantastic! i had to read it twice...the first time through i was so caught up in the effect of the rhythm that i didn't actually comprehend the words.

"and I will not
make his heart

skip

a
beat." --these lines are particularly effective. maybe it's just me, but is it supposed to mean that you do not have the ability to make his heart skip or is it that you won't?

jason

Sorry Magic, didn't mean to sound ambiguous. Maybe I should swap 'unusual' for 'original'; that might better explain the sentiment of my line of thought. I was mainly referring to the last few lines I suppose and the structure, (which, of course is aligned to the content of the piece) which works very well. Your work always manages, in some way, to surprise me; the quality is always 'top notch' but your imagination and inventiveness is so diverse - in a very VERY pleasing way. I open your work (eagerly) wondering what's in store this time. 'Duffers' like me are more easily surprised and sometimes find 'unusual' the creativity of those who actually know what they are at! Lovely work - yet again - keep them coming.. ;)

Chris XX

Jason - The last few lines you quoted are really what this poem is all about. The narrator, having low self-esteem and no confidence is saying this guy can't possibly fancy her - but the relevance of the structure is saying that she has a small hope in the back of her mind that maybe he could like her too.

Also the idea that everyone else sees her in such a better light than she sees herself. They don't understand what she's worrying about!

Chris - awww thank you so much! I always appreciate your comments and they never fail to make me smile ;) 'Duffer' - what are you talking about? You're a wonderful poet Chris and I love reading your work! Now I've just realised you've posted a new piece - better go check it out!

Magic xxx

thanks for the clarification. i read it as you intended it, but i wanted to make sure.
congrats on the cherry.

jason

great rhythm and the ending , which was surprisingly poignant I felt, is sweet twist. Margot

Thanks Jason ;) I'm glad I clarified that for you!

And thank you Margot! The rhytm was indeed a challenge so I'm happy you think I succeeded!

Magic xxx

Magic - timing is everything and you seem to have got it just right.;-) I hope so anyway. Well done on the cherry. Richly deserved.

Tina xxx

Thank you Tina for all your help on this one ;)

Magic xxx

Seen many okes like this. Had my turn. Excellent description.
Cheers! Nolan