End Point

I love the imagery in this, it's superb.

However, I think the rhythm gets a bit long and lost in your fourth stanza, but is recovered in the fifth - the fourth doesn't quite sit right.

Also, in your penultimate stanza, I think you should reverse it to 'blind and bored' so that the 'bored' resonates better with the 'cause'.

J x

Thanks for the suggestions, Jen! I've reversed 'bored' and 'blind' as you suggested and I've clipped the fourth stanza to make it a little shorter, hope it flows better now ;)

Magic xxx

I think it flows much better now, yes, well done!

J x

Glad you think so, J! Thanks again for the feedback ;)

Magic xxx

As Jennifer says, some wonderful imagery here, Magic and the reversal of the two words works excellently.

To me, the second stanza speaks volumes:-

"The fields of gold on either side
have faded to a dull yellow
in this greying light. I brush
the corn stalks with an outstretched
wing of fingers - alas, no Midas touch."

- the last line being quite a gem.

I have never visited Cap Gris Nez, but your poem transported me there.

Much enjoyed;-)

Tina xxx

Thank you, Tina! Glad you agree with the edit and that you visited Cap Gris Nez this evening ;)

Magic xxx

beautiful, it really reminds me of Beckett's play Endgame, it has the same abandoned feel to it, an abandoned, post-war world where we have to come to terms with our own humanity. Great stuff as always.

Thanks Maggy! Glad you could draw some comparisons with this one ;)

Magic xxx

It's all been said, I love the "outstretched wing of fingers" among so many many gorgeous lines.

Thank you, Shirley! Think you've picked out one of my favourite lines there ;)

Magic xxx

Very haunting.

Well crafted.

There's still quite a few pill boxes (is that right?) in Essex. They always looks so odd and lost to me. Square ugly concrete boxes seemingly stuck in the middle of a field.

xDrew

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Kicks To Hypnotise Suburban Daughters by Charlotte De'Ath available at Erbacce Press
http://www.erbacce-press.com/#/charlotte-death/4540789243

That is indeed right, Drew ;) Although the French bunkers are quite a but bigger than the pill boxes! Glad you enjoyed this one!

Magic xxx

you have this knack to carry the reader to the place - brilliant as always. :)

Thank you darkenwolf! Glad this poem managed to take you somewhere this evening ;)

Magic xxx

if you keep writing like that its thanks enough - i enjoyed the trip! ;)

i know nothing about poetry but I enjoyed this, for me it had many interesting layers to it, was nicely evocative and told a strong, odd little story very well

Thanks o-bear! Glad you enjoyed this ;)

Magic xxx

aaw magic! First two parts, wish I was there. again sad & need I type it? K xxx

Rebecca,

I have no words fit to describe this wonderful poem, other than to say I personally know of no better poetry than that which flows from your pen.

David xxx

Thank you Kahdai! Yes, it is sad, but I'm adopting Dr Seuss's philosophy: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ;)

Magic xxx

Awww thanks, David!! I'm glad you appreciate my poetry so much - that really means a lot to me. Thank you for such a lovely comment!

Magic xxx

A rather late comment but I liked this a lot. Captures the weight of the past and the strange aura of those places that have seen so much. Rob

Thank you, Rob! I'm glad you liked this one ;) And always better late than never!

Magic xxx

Yes, good for you Magic! Think iil keep that one for me too! xxx

lovely narrative style -enjoyed the yellow gold imagery, it's a beautiful poem, and made me hope for some prose, some poetic prose from you would be good to read i reckon *waits patiently* :)

Hello ld! Glad you enjoyed this one. There was a time when my poetry was very abstract but I just can't get enough of the narrative style at the moment! 'Gold' imagery is something I can't help but stray back to ;)

Magic xxx

I love the image I get in my head when I read this it is dark and hopeful, dirty and clean...I like the duality of it (if I am interpretating it right)Its like your saying "hey, come take a walk with me, see what i see in this moment" I can see the greyness of this day and feel the air and that is superb writing...and on my birthday - august 3 1981.

Thank you, Jeremy! I do like to take my readers for a little stroll through the tangles of my mind - sometimes it's nice to have the company ;) Glad you liked this one!

Magic xxx

Sorry I'm so late commenting Magic! I absolutely love this poem. There are so many great images, its too hard to settle for one.

Even though saying that, I adore these lines;

"the sky has drawn a blank"

"Now I'm sitting amongst old ghosts,
in the belly of a sentry for nothing, no one."

This is an amazing poem in my opinion, you're so talented Magic. This is defiantly one of my favourites of yours. Well done :)

Beeme xx

Always better late than never, Beeme, and it's lovely to hear from you ;) I wrote the majority of this poem in my head as I was walking the road back from the German Bunker, and the story of my journey to it just took shape in my mind. As soon as I returned to the place where I was staying I rushed to my notebook to write it all down!

Magic xxx