(i)
I remember a time
when you took the bullets
for me. Human shield.
I was safe from everything.
But then you grew weary
of the wounds – started to think
the words were really all for you.
And so you left.
A parting gift was a loaded gun
with my name on it.
(ii)
I remember a time
when the names didn’t hurt me.
That hazy untouchable feeling
of a strolling concrete block.
Little did I know
a magpie stole the labels –
attracted by their razor sharp shine.
And now I feel the sickly prickle
against my ribs,
where she built her nest.
Comments
Curse of 222 | June 23, 2009 - 20:01
i love the first line of each part. this is dark, well-written, and intriguing.
good work, magic.
jason
Silver Spun Sand | June 23, 2009 - 21:19
As always, this has the 'magic' stamp all over it;-)
...and don't talk to me about magpies! My garden is overrun with them and one day I saw one take a collared-dove in mid-flight. But then I guess, nature will be nature.
As jason says, good work...as ever.
Tina xxx
MistakenMagic | June 23, 2009 - 21:27
Thank you Jason and Tina! Glad you both enjoyed it ;)
Magic xxx
Jupiter | June 23, 2009 - 22:14
Hi Magic. The
hazy untouchable feeling
of a strolling concrete block
stands out intriguingly for me. I agree with earlier comments
"this is dark, well-written, and intriguing" ;-)
sarah wilson | June 24, 2009 - 07:54
Nothing to add except great poem:)
MistakenMagic | June 24, 2009 - 14:47
Thank you Jupiter and Sarah!
Magic xxx
threeleafshamrock | June 24, 2009 - 17:38
professionally scripted; the rest has all been said and I agree.
Chris XX
MistakenMagic | June 24, 2009 - 21:23
Thank you Chris! 'Professionally scripted' - wow, cheers! I thought I'd try out a poem that was written in parts!
Magic xxx
Nathan Bednarek | June 25, 2009 - 15:00
'A parting gift was a loaded gun
with my name on it.'
Phew, now this is a powerful poem... and a half! ;-p
I really enjoyed reading this and ditto Tina's words- 'this has the 'magic' stamp all over it'
Great work, well done!
Nathan xox
MistakenMagic | June 25, 2009 - 17:34
Thank you so much Nathan, this is a very special poem for me so I'm glad it's touched you too!
Magic xxx
Cavalcaderl | June 25, 2009 - 18:31
New mistakenmagic Yes it definitely hits you especially lines like the wounds- started to think
the words are really all for you. Magpies steal everything. good is it true happening.? julie x
MistakenMagic | June 25, 2009 - 18:52
Hello Cavalcaderl! Yes, this did happen to me unfortunately. Kids can be cruel is all I can say!
Magic xxx
SundaysChild | June 27, 2009 - 17:40
A magical poem, Magic :)
MistakenMagic | June 27, 2009 - 18:18
Thank you SundaysChild! Great to have you back ;)
Magic xxx
DraxB | June 28, 2009 - 09:36
lovely - agree with all that has been said
MistakenMagic | June 28, 2009 - 10:57
Thank you DraxB!
Magic xxx
littleditty | July 3, 2009 - 09:57
like this a lot - that concrete wall and the itchy labels, imagetic! Super poem magic xx
MistakenMagic | July 3, 2009 - 12:34
Cheers LD ;p
Magic xxx
Beeme | July 8, 2009 - 14:38
I really enjoyed this piece it's so dark and powerful.
I especially liked these lines;
"I remember a time
when you took the bullets
for me. Human shield."
Best Wishes
Beeme x
MistakenMagic | July 8, 2009 - 19:23
Just stumbled on your commeny Beeme - sorry it's taken me a while to reply! Thank you so much for the feedback I'm glad you enjoyed it ;)
Magic xxx