Post-Trauma

This is so sad yet very beautifully expressed, I hope you start sleeping better soon. I think the short sentences work very well.

Beeme xx

Thank you, Beeme! This is the darkest piece I've written for a while and wasn't sure what response I'd get - but I'm glad you like it ;)

Magic xxx

Personally I prefer darker pieces, I know that may sound strange ;-) . I forgot to say that I enjoyed this very much ! I love the way you've built up the atmosphere. Really well done.

Beeme xx

It doesn't sound strange at all, Beem! I'm much the same ;) And again, thank you so much for commenting on this one!

Magic xxx

As Beeme says, Magic - the atmosphere you have created with this, comparitively short poem, is incredible. A real talent;-)

And now I'm off to eat that pizza!

Tina xxx

Thank you, Tina! Enjoy your pizza ;) And thank you for all your help with this one!

Magic xxx

This so powerfully written, "blue as bruising" hits the spot on a number of levels.
I hesitate to use the word beautiful (due to subject matter), yet well executed falls woefully short of the mark. I'll settle for "a brilliant narration of a tracic circumstance".

David :--)

Thank you so much, David! I understand what you mean about 'beautiful' but I think there are many pieces of poetry out there with dark subject matter that can be called 'tragically beautiful' ;)

Magic xxx

Not a word is wasted in this poem, as David says, powerful and brilliant, well deserved cherry too!

Thank you, Shirley :) I'm really glad you think so!

Magic xxx

Hi Magic,

Your quite right, to quote you "there are many pieces of poetry out there with dark subject matter that can be called 'tragically beautiful' ". Your poem is most definitely one of them.

David xx :--)

Lovely poem Magic x very emotive...

This is good - really good indeed. The words chosen seem to give a sense both of urgency and utter distress. You can almost hear the wailing.

If I could just make a point though. I'm not sure about pillows 'dripping' with tears as a metaphor. It seems more like an oxymoron. How about 'sodden' instead (it's a word that you have almost to spit out) which might add a hint of harshness to the feeling of despair you intended to capture?

Just a thought.
It's a really powerful poem anyway and I think, excellently done.

Helvigo Jenkins

Thank you, Firebird! Glad you liked this one ;)

Magic xxx

Thanks so much for your feedback, Helvigo! I see what you mean about 'dripping' but I think I'm going to keep it as the 'drip' makes great assonance with the 'pill' in 'pillows' and the 'ing' sound follows the flow of the rest of the poem. Also, I feel, the idea of the dripping indicates how much the narrator has been crying and adds to the dramatic air. But thank you again for such a lovely, thoughtful response ;) I do really appreciate it!

Magic xxx

That's fine, Magic, it was only a thought. I see what you mean too, the 'ing' sound does resonate better with the previous uses.

Helvigo Jenkins

Very wonderful. Sometimes the 'it was all a dream' ending detracts but here I think it works very well - transforms it from a (thankfully rare) event, which would have just seemed sad, to something more connecting with the reader - the deep-rooted fears and terrifying images which come out in dreams. Or something like that. For the record, I liked the 'dripping pillow'.

I almost, no not almost, I clapped in admiration after reading the last line!!!
This is excellent.
Vidit

Thank you, Rob! I'm glad you think I've pulled off the 'all a dream' ending without any cliches ;) Oh and glad you like the 'dripping pillows'!

Magic xxx

Awww thanks, Vidit! Really happy you like this one - and almost applause for a poem of mine? Wow! ;)

Magic xxx

Short, but overwhelmingly powerful. Amazing. Well done.

Nathan.

Thank you, Nathan ;) I'm glad you like this one!

Magic xxx

First line grabs, and the rest doesn't let go. I'm another who likes dark and this is very strong. Yes, beautiful. Like Kheldar, i was going to pick out 'blue as bruising' as just right.

~ mand
The Travel Hopefully Blog

Thank you, Mand! I'm glad that first line pulls you in ;) 'Bruising' is a word that keeps cropping up in my poetry but it always seem to go down well!

Magic xxx

There was something nagging at me about this poem, something somehow familiar. It's only just occured to me what it is.
It's reminiscent of 'Not Waving but Drowning' by Stevie Smith. The repeated use of the present participle is a strong theme here, just as it is in Smith's poem. As a result, the overal effect and what I immediately felt was similar to that when I first read 'Not Waving but Drowning'.
This I find interesting. Was it intentional, Magic? If so, you've done a fine job of realising and provoking very similar emotions.
I'm now certain that you were right to trust your instincts and retain 'dripping'.
Again - Well done!

Helvigo Jenkins

Hello again, Helvigo! I have read 'Not Waving But Drowning' a few times before - but the style imitation was not intentional, yet maybe there is something subconscious in it ;) I'm really pleased you've taken so much from this poem and I do really appreciate all your feedback!

Magic xxx

Thank you, Julie! I'm really glad that this poem spoke to you ;)

Magic xxx

new MistakenMagic
Congrats; on cherry!
Really so powerful I can
feel it all, maybe as a Mum.
tears of pain, tears sadness
tears of joy.and post traumatic stress once said words? only for me.Who know what really.
well most poems I have been there or experienced.x
julie x

O Magic, Wonderful you can put those emotions in a way more bearable to wrap my head around and help other people to understand that these mothers aren't crazy, it's just love. This moved me inside, I too would myself call it beautiful. Sad maybe, but I am also one who empathises with your dark emotions. I'm very glad for you that this was cherry-picked. Kahdai x

Thank you Kahdai! I'm so glad this one spoke to you and that it moved you - that's all I've ever wanted from my poetry, to inspire emotions in others ;)

Magic xxx

O that's lovely, I'm even more glad now ^^ Kxx