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100 Proof Muse

Posted by Myndstorm on January 31, 2009 - 03:20

The words are so foggy
Billowing like cigarette
Smoke almost there
And then…
Distraction is everywhere
But mostly in my head
Filling in where inspiration
Used to be. I miss my muse
Who burned and fired words
Like bullets straight and true
There was nothing I couldn’t
Put to paper when she whispered
In my ear and kissed my lips
She radiated passion, promise,
Poetry overfilling me till I was
Left with bloodshot eyes and
Headaches as the morning broke
The spell, but now she’s gone
Behind a door chained with
Cold hard truth shining like
Ice in sunlight.
I could do it without her
Sultry voice and warming
Hugs. Words are harder
To get but they exist
Outside my muse’s power.
They exist.

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Comments

tamara (not verified) | January 31, 2009 - 09:10

Straight from the heart,I identified very strongly to this piece,beautifully simplistic without exaggeration.
Brilliant work.x

threeleafshamrock | January 31, 2009 - 13:14

Good stuff, yet again; more, more, more please!

Chris X

jennifer | February 1, 2009 - 18:03

This has bags of potential but seems to lack organisation or control...perhaps some punctuation or a few demarcated stanzas, which would make it tighter.

This line is particularly effective:

'I miss my muse
Who burned and fired words'

- great imagery there!

J x

Jasper_Milvain | February 1, 2009 - 18:18

Yeah. I kind of agree with J. You either need more punctuation or none at all, Bukowski style, which I think is the kind of effect that you are aiming for.

I wasn't that into the 'muse' line though because I think we overuse words like 'muse' more because of what we think a poet should be rather than what we actually are.

I did really enjoy the whole piece. I thought it raced along, and had some real grit about it.

I really liked:
but now she’s gone
Behind a door chained with
Cold hard truth shining like
Ice in sunlight.

Now that really hit the spot.

Good Stuff
JM