“Breaking the surface”


from the ABC set Transparent mirrors.

... or trying at least; burning
rays coiling light-years
away; stand-still fattening in
an ozone-layer –

unmoved, undisturbed, unmasked
surface yet conscious –
snapping into a camouflaged,
patient poker-face –

eye-lids forming two dashes;
useless adjectives,
useful nouns breaking the surface;
poker-face eye-lids

unmoved, undisturbed, unmasked;
useful nouns breaking the surface...

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Comments

MistakenMagic | August 29, 2008 - 10:35

Love this :) The rhythm is flawless and the word choice is superb. I posted some new love poems, as I know you like them!

Nathan Bednarek | August 29, 2008 - 13:26

Thanks for your comment MM! ;-) Yes, I spent quite a bit of time working on the rhythm and the vocabulary of this piece. I'm glad you noticed my effort.

Caolan_le_Paddy | September 12, 2008 - 16:41

Amazing rhythm, amazing work really :)