... or trying at least; burning
rays coiling light-years
away; stand-still fattening in
an ozone-layer –
unmoved, undisturbed, unmasked
surface yet conscious –
snapping into a camouflaged,
patient poker-face –
eye-lids forming two dashes;
useless adjectives,
useful nouns breaking the surface;
poker-face eye-lids
unmoved, undisturbed, unmasked;
useful nouns breaking the surface...

Comments
MistakenMagic | August 29, 2008 - 10:35
Love this :) The rhythm is flawless and the word choice is superb. I posted some new love poems, as I know you like them!
Nathan Bednarek | August 29, 2008 - 13:26
Thanks for your comment MM! ;-) Yes, I spent quite a bit of time working on the rhythm and the vocabulary of this piece. I'm glad you noticed my effort.
Caolan_le_Paddy | September 12, 2008 - 16:41
Amazing rhythm, amazing work really :)