One soul of a smooth
skin – adrift with its young
heart that seems to beat for eternity;
its rhythm soothes
all the unknown that stung and stung.
One soul that sprints
through time as if it is a race.
It’s inexperienced heart pumps blood without a rest.
Its hasty feet leaving a trail of footprints
that are wiped off by time – leaving no trace
of presence.
However, time left deep marks on the skin
of the sprinting soul. Marks of knowledge, experience, change,
decisions and judgements.
Things that are, and things that have been.
Time is change.
The rhythm of our hearts beats
along with the ticking clock on the wall.
It shouldn’t feel strange
to admit inevitable defeat
to time.
Our soul changes along with our forgotten
young skin. We can’t stop this, neither should we want to.
Changes will occur throughout our lifetime,
and the marks on our skin will deepen and deepen.
But we shouldn’t resent
what is inevitable.
Our sprinting hearts halt once we cross the finish-line.
That’s why we should feed on every moment
throughout the race. Listen to the delightful
rhythm of our
hearts – down to the very last beat;
and the marks of time shall deepen into our soul.
So whatever hour
shall be our last, change will make our time complete...
Comments
Doeslittle | April 29, 2008 - 23:02
Stanza 1 - excellent
Stanza 2 - V good, but might cut second line to 'Inexperienced heart does not rest'.
Stanza 3 - V good also, but you could leave out experience and decisions perhaps (experience feels repetitive due to earlier use of inexperience - It doesn't feel right to have that word roll out again)
Stanza 4 - V good.
And then I would cut the rest. You don't need it. It slides into slightly cliched and rambling for me after first four and would be excellent if cut to a more succinct piece.
Ok - I have commented on a few - hope that they are helpful and positive comments to read - that was my intent, but they are only the opinion of one reader.