I’m the newest member
of the Structural Poets’ Social-Nationalist Party.
None of us remember
what humanity’s like, we’re never soulful or hearty.
Our vulgar little nation
believes in mere amphibrachs that zoom like comets,
in crass alliteration,
in torturing dissidents, Petrarcan sonnets,
rhyme, and punching queerboys,
“Piers Plowman” our preferred propaganda-pamphlet.
Making lots of beer-noise,
we sang it every night, pissing in your sandpit.
Smacking you with structure,
we forced our foul repressive emotionless patterns
onto you and fucked yer
and quoted G.K. Chesterton, slamming our batons.
Alas! Our coup d’etât, so far as history’s concerned,
was thwarted somewhat swiftly. Fifty days our empire burned
and then the Free Verse Mafia, raffia trilbies on their bonces,
stole the power from us promising that they weren’t just ponces.
Poetic Perestroika!
Goodbye to imperial metrical systems!
Everyone is happier
with the Free Verse Mafia squashing resistance!
Theirs is a mob of enforcers
who know that their rule is a righteous and true one.
They don’t care for Brownings or Chaucers.
They’ve not read a page or a verse of “Don Juan”.
They’ll make you wade through treacle,
a code-encrusted treacle that feels more akin to concrete,
but so what? All is equal!
Now rhyme is dead and buried, all is vibrant, free and offbeat!
If you don’t swap your side
you’ll end up in a writers’ block along a motorway.
It’s anapesticide.
Now life is so much richer and more meaningful today.
Alas! The Free Verse Mafia, daffy as knives, have left the head
of what once was a dahlia, gaily as spoons, in the corner of my bed.
They came at me with boathooks and notebooks hidden in their shoes.
With a minute of waffle they made me an offer that I could not listen to.
Comments
chuck | June 23, 2009 - 12:49
Good one NWB. Reminds us how dangerous poetry can be.
jh45 | June 23, 2009 - 12:56
The " organized " pen is mightier than the rebellious one. This is a dark humorous one for sure.
threeleafshamrock | June 23, 2009 - 12:58
Well at least I know who pissed in my sandpit...I knew it hadn't rained!
I don't usually like bad language but I like this - a lot.
CHRIS
Dendrite | June 23, 2009 - 21:57
There's nothing like an elitist literary rant in good hands. The only issue here is, there is no Mafia.
NaziWifebeater | June 23, 2009 - 22:44
Thanks for your comments, chaparoonies. I think poetry could be a lot more dangerous if it wasn't ruled by the Free Verse Mafia, forcing everyone to abandon rhyme and metre, on pain of death, and only publishing those poets who belong to the right wanky little clique. And then they wonder why no-one reads or gives a toss about poetry anymore.
littleditty | June 24, 2009 - 13:53
Pee sounds, lots of them - powerful poetry - all that testy energy and skill present in your poetry, has potential, NaziWifebeateroonie. You might change things. Musical piece. Nice to meet you. Idiot. Almost affectionately, ld x
NaziWifebeater | June 24, 2009 - 21:33
You know you love us Nazi wife-beaters really.
sunshine | June 27, 2009 - 09:17
Impossible to resist the challenge of the title. Impossible to feign disinterest in the poem. Margot (who writes free verse)
threeleafshamrock | June 27, 2009 - 18:16
I personally like stuff that rhymes and has puns and looks nice...but it's handy when it doesn't have to ;)
Ewan | June 29, 2009 - 20:09
Rhyme, Rhyme
who has the time?
Why fiddle with meter
when you have a peter?
There is much worse
than the free-est of verse;
it can proffer
the kind of offer,
some cannot refuse
- despite your views.
Curse of 222 | July 7, 2009 - 23:56
what makes you the expert on what is right and wrong about today's poetry? i'm just curious where your aggression and arrogance comes from. at the same time, i have to admit that i think this is a good piece of work, even if i do disagree with your view of free verse.
jason
NaziWifebeater | July 26, 2009 - 10:17
I don't hate free verse at all, Jason. I just hate the arrogance of the free-verse elite who look down their noses at rhyme, metre and structure. Because they do.