Happy ever after: a Ruby Charmchanter chronicle

Ruby Charmchanter hurtled round the corner, the headmaster’s angry shouts echoing after her through the hard grey corridors of Beigecoats Academy. She laughed as she ran, even though she knew if he caught her then that would be it and she would be expelled for good and sent to The Adam N Eavitt Free School of Creationism and Specious Reasoning; possibly the only place on this planet worse than Beigecoats and a trillion times worse than Hermione Lemonflash’s School of Magicality and Sorcery, from where she’d been expelled just three months ago.

She put on an extra burst of speed and crashed through the double doors to the nursery building. Miss Treacle, the nursery teacher, was walking down the corridor and turned at the sound of the doors. She frowned. “Excuse me young lady, I believe you should be in a lesson in the main school. Kindly return to it, please.” She stared pointedly at Ruby and shifted her book from one hand to the other.

Ruby gasped out, “Sorry, miss.” “Well, back you go then.” “Yes, miss.” Ruby turned reluctantly back to the doors and looked round, trying not to panic. There was no escape. She glanced behind her at Miss Treacle walking away down the corridor, carrying her book. An idea struck her.

After a few steps Miss Treacle looked back at the empty corridor. Strange, she thought, I didn’t hear the doors open. She shook her head then pushed open the door of her classroom. “Good morning everybody,” “Good morning, Miss Treacle,” chorused the children. “Right, this morning we are going to have a-“

The door crashed open, cutting Miss Treacle off mid-sentence. In the doorway stood Mr Hardnutt, his bearded face purple with rage. His bloodshot eyes scanned the room like laser beams. “Is she in here?” he thundered.

Miss Treacle quickly took in the delicate pink ballet pumps on his feet, her eyes travelling up his bare hairy legs and knobbly knees to the fluffy purple tutu, then upwards over the shirt, jacket and tie covering his protruding belly. “Good morning, headmaster. Who is it you are looking for? This is just the nursery children in here.” Her eyes flicked briefly to the colourful feathers sprouting from the rather fetching baby blue bonnet sat atop the headmaster’s shiny bald head.

He saw her looking and glanced up himself. He took a deep breath then took hold of the hat with both hands, pulling viciously, thrashing his head about and grunting impotently while the hat remained stubbornly in place. He let out a bearlike roar of frustration, then lumbered out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Miss Treacle frowned. She had always thought the headmaster a little strange, but that was certainly unexpected. It just goes to show you can never tell, she thought, then turned to the startled class. “Now children, please settle down. It’s time for a story. Dylan, please put your bottom on the carpet, Cecilia, take your finger out of Fenella’s nose, Oscar, please stop doing that. Now, are we sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.” Miss Treacle opened the book and began reading.

Princess Penelope and the Handsome Prince

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess called Princess Penelope who lived in a big castle. One day she went for a walk in the castle garden. She was skipping along by the pond, singing prettily when she heard a croak. She looked down.

At her feet squatted a small green frog staring up at her. It croaked again. She bent down and looked into its bulging eyes. “Hello Mr Frog, are you trying to tell me something?”

The frog croaked and blinked rapidly.

“Are you saying you’re not really a frog but you’re actually a handsome prince who has been turned into a frog by some horrid magic?”

The frog jumped up and down croaking excitedly.

“And you can only be turned back into a handsome prince by a kiss from a beautiful princess?”

The frog let out a huge croak, and lifted his head towards her.

“Well alright then, come here.” Princess Penelope bent down and closed her eyes.

“What on earth are you doing?” said a voice.

Princess Penelope turned round and saw a girl jump out from behind a bush. “Who are you?”

“I’m Ruby Charmchanter, who are you?”

“I am Princess Penelope, the most beautiful princess in the land” said Princess Penelope grandly. “And this is my castle.” “

Nice,” said Ruby. “What are you doing with that frog?”

“I’m kissing him to make him turn into a handsome prince. Now, if you don’t mind.” Princess Penelope leant forwards and planted a big kiss on the frog’s lips.

“Gross,” said Ruby.

There was a flash and a puff of smoke and before them stood a tall man in luxuriant robes, with a fine head of blond hair.

“Oh my, you are handsome, aren’t you?” Princess Penelope clasped her hands together and gazed up adoringly at the prince, who puffed his chest out and smirked.

“You’re not that handsome,” remarked Ruby. “Your hair is alright but your nose is wonky and your eyes are too close together. You looked better as a frog. Why were you a frog, anyway?”

“I was walking in the woods,” said the prince, “and I was getting a bit peckish when I happened upon a cottage made of gingerbread and sweets. I just nibbled a few jelly beans from the front door when this horrible old witch ran out and waved her wand at me and the next thing I knew I was hopping about on the ground.”

“I should have known a witch would be involved,” Ruby commented. “Let me guess, was she ugly?”

“Hideously ugly,” shuddered the prince. “Warts, bushy eyebrows, crooked teeth, hairy chin?” “

Yes, yes, and here she is. Look out!” With a screech and a swoosh, a witch on a broomstick dived out of the sky, looped the loop and skidded to a halt next to them.

“Cool,” said Ruby.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” cackled the witch. “Not so fast my pretties! Now I will turn you all into frogs! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” She raised her wand.

There was a puff of pure white smoke and a sweet old lady in a pink ballgown appeared. “Stop right there,” she shrilled, sprinkling magic dust over the witch and freezing her to the spot.

“Who are you?” asked Ruby.

“I am the Fairy Godmother,” she twittered.

“Oh, how original. What next, a magic flying pony?”

They all looked up at the beating of wings. Ruby shook her head in disgust as the four hooves touched gently down on the ground.

“Oh, Twinkle, my favourite magic flying pony,” cried Princess Penelope. “Carry me and this handsome prince and the Fairy Godmother safely back to the castle away from this ugly wicked witch and this nasty girl.”

“Nasty girl!” huffed Ruby. She turned and unfroze the witch with a flick of her own wand. “Let’s take these guys down a peg or two.” Together they lifted their wands and shouted: “Alabalar-kazammy-whammy!” A beam of light shot from their wands, catching the goody-two-shoes crew before they could take off. There was a mighty flash and a noise like the last slurp of a chocolate milkshake and the four disappeared into thin air.

The End

Miss Treacle closed the book with a snap and set it on her knee. She jumped as the book sprang open again, there was a great whooshing noise and a familiar-looking girl stood before her, wearing a sheepish expression. Miss Treacle frowned. This was turning out to be a really most peculiar day. Then she heard shouting from the corridor. Someone ran past screaming something about a pony with wings trapped in the library.

Ruby bit her lip and stared at the gawping children then back at Miss Treacle. How was she going to get out of this one?