Poor Sam - Dating is Not Easy

Sam was frustrated. The dating game was not turning out as he had expected. After the conversation with the doctor, he had thought it would be a simple matter to find a younger woman who appreciated his finer qualities and was anxious to have sex with him.

That assumption had been incorrect.

His first disappointment had been with the casserole ladies. He had been told there were many single women who had watched him during his years of marriage, noting what a fine specimen of manhood he was and hoping that his wife would die quickly so they would have an opportunity to snatch him up. The ploy was to bring hot casseroles to his house soon after he was widowed in hopes of staking a claim. It was said some of them even read the obituaries in search of likely prospects.

He had been ready, even eager, to accept the casseroles and get on with the necessary preliminaries that would eventually lead to sex. But there had been no knocks on the door, no casseroles.

It was disillusioning to say the least.

Eventually, he had turned to Internet dating. This required a profile and he had taken great pains to compose one that would appeal to women. He had written that he was a happy, healthy, energetic man who enjoyed life, had lots of activities and appreciated women. In fact, he had stated that it was his firm belief that women were the most fascinating creatures on earth, which was perhaps a bit of an overstatement. He had emphasized his prowess as a runner but failed to mention that he was slow and usually finished well behind the leaders. And, of course, he had shaved ten years off his age.

In an effort to achieve a light touch he had mentioned that he was thrifty and suggested the lady would have a choice where they met for coffee--either Starbucks or McDonald's, where senior coffee was available for only eighty cents. He had stated this was not a test and finished with the initials LOL just in case some were too dumb to get it.

The results had been astonishing. Half a dozen women had wanted to meet him. He had obliged as quickly as possible. He had met them one at a time in coffee shops and restaurants and eagerly told them what he thought they wanted to hear while he examined their breasts and wondered what it would be like to make love to them.

He had expected them to be thrilled to meet him and eager to establish an intimate relationship. Such was not the case. Instead, they told him of their children and grandchildren, their desire to travel, their minor and major illnesses and the qualities they expected in a man. They expected a lot. It wasn’t often he met their requirements. It was a bit disheartening.

There was very little suggestion of intimacy.

Since it had been so many years since he dated, he had no idea how quickly to proceed. How soon was it proper to hold hands? To kiss? The second date seemed fitting so after paying the tab at a classy restaurant he had insisted on walking his date to her car. He held her hand as they walked and when she started to give him a perfunctorily hug he pulled her close and kissed her directly on the mouth. Forcefully! She had seemed a bit surprised, especially when he had tried to probe her with his tongue, and had kept her jaw firmly clinched. He had been taken aback by her rejection but decided she was probably a cold woman. Maybe even frigid.

Strangely, she had declined to see him again. Who can understand women?

It occurred to him that maybe the second date was a bit soon for a kiss so he decided to postpone it until the third date but he continued to flirted boldly. His favorite line was that the lady should beware as he had Russian hands and Roman fingers. One of the ladies told him he was the one who should be wary as she had a black belt in Karate. He hoped she was joking.

An unexpected problem occurred after he had given one of the ladies his name and invited her to his facebook page. He had thought she would be impressed because he had nearly a hundred distinguished friends and there were pictures of his children and grandchildren, plus dozens of flattering comments from his acquaintances. How could she not be awed?

Instead, she had ignored the favorable comments and gone all the way back to remarks made months earlier on his birthday, when his true age was mentioned.

She sent him an email accusing him of lying to her. “You are actually ten years older than you told me, “ she said, accusingly.

He tried to put the best possible spin on it by pointing out that they would never have met if he hadn’t lied and that she was easily the most attractive woman he had encountered and he was already falling in love with her. Apparently she was not impressed because she never responded. Another prospect bit the dust!!!

It was then he became aware of another problem. When he googled his name on People Search not only his address and phone number came up but also his age. This was way more information than he wanted to be available. After careful consideration the only solution seemed to be keep his real name secret and to never ever invite any one to facebook.

All in all, it had been a frustrating experience, much more complex than he had anticipated.

Nothing seemed simple anymore.

Who would have thought it would be so difficult just to get laid?