Acknowledgments
I could not have done this without the support of one of our elder members, who is also a sufferer of ABC OCD.* He looked over my first draft and made various helpful suggestions regarding typos, grammatical errors etc, all of which I have ignored. For any errors in in this piece please blame the elderly one. He is very old, shaky, and sometimes incoherent so he probably won’t notice.
I first propagated my theory about the existence of a new disorder in an article called ABC OCD - Do You Have it? I am still awaiting a publication date from the British Medical Journal, but the original article can be found here. http://www.abctales.com/story/overthetop1/abc-ocd-do-you-have-it.
In it I outlined the 10 main symptoms, which I had observed in myself. If you are new to ABC Tales I suggest you read it and tick off any symptoms you have been experiencing. If you are already familiar with ABC OCD you may want to refresh your memory. Studies have shown that people with ABC OCD have a poor memory span*. This is because they are constantly thinking about that next cherry.
When I wrote my groundbreaking article, I wanted to discover the prevalence of people who may have suffered as I had, and to help them feel less isolated. I was astounded by the response. Many of you admitted that you too had experienced some, or many of the 10 basic symptoms, and several of you revealed you had additional ones. This highlighted the need for further research.
However after an unfortunate run of three pieces of work without a cherry, I had a drastic relapse. Whilst in the middle of the grip of this harrowing illness, I vowed to myself that if I ever regained my sanity (and obtained a release date), I would do all within my power to help other sufferers. Due to my high intelligence and superior insight, I managed to fully recover. (Dear God please let me get a cherry for this).
Further Symptoms of ABC OCD can include;
Memory loss, insomnia, eye-strain, headaches, nausea, diarrhoea, mood swings, lack of concentration, inability to communicate with others, nightmares, lack of appetite, eating `comfort’ food, depression, anxiety (at its height after the first two days of posting), muscle tension in neck and shoulders, fatigue, addictions (see below).
1) The use of alcohol or drugs (over the counter or illicit) to spur yourself on to greater creativity, or to ameliorate the symptoms. People even go to the lengths of obtaining ‘prescription only’ medication from the internet. I once sent, sorry I mean a friend of mine ordered some valium over the internet. They tasted like chalk, and did not alleviate her symptoms. Apparently.
It is argued by some that smoking marijuana can be helpful in calming down the symptoms. It is well-documented that this can lead to heroin addiction.* The other danger of opting for this route is that you may end up with two addictions, which will probably require a protracted stay in a rehabilitation clinic. You can ask for a pen and paper all you want, the staff will not accede to your constant begging.
2) Droning on to anyone who will listen about how your writing is making you so miserable. They will lose patience with you and will probably advise you to see your GP. This may be no bad thing, as then you have a fresh pair of ears to listen to your pathetic problems.
Please note that GP’s have little time for neurotics, and may give you medication such as anti-depressants. It has been reported to me by a sufferer, writing on a piece of toilet paper, with I am not quite sure what, that if you do not take a professional’s advice they can blacklist you and section you.
It is worth mentioning that some people on psychotropic medications report loss of creativity. This may be a good thing for people who are so adversely affected they cannot function in their everyday life.
3) Being in denial of this sickness is actually a symptom for some people. If you do have ABC OCD it is better to be honest with yourself and others. If you pretend to be unaffected by the symptoms, you make other people with ABC OCD feel worse than they already do. Studies have shown that writers are perceived as selfish and self-obsessed*. Do you really want to perpetuate this offensive stereotype? Additionally repressing your symptoms of ABC OCD can be very harmful and may actually cause them to ‘boil over,’ I cannot stress enough how dangerous this is.
4) Trying to get the balance right when commenting on other people’s work, feeling anxious about not achieving the right tone. You can save yourself and others a great deal of distress by following the golden rules of commenting.
Correcting typos and grammar is just about acceptable. (Go ahead if you must Insert).
Please bear in mind that if you cannot find something complimentary to say you should refrain from commenting at all. Remember that the person whose work you are commenting on may also have ABC OCD. An adverse comment can have serious consequences for someone who is already feeling extremely anxious about their work.
5) Counting the number of ‘reads.’ I know you all do it, and that you all ‘up’ your number of ‘reads’ by re-reading your own work. I want to make it clear that there is no relationship between number of ‘reads’ and writing ability.
6) Badgering the editors to discover why you are not getting cherries, or asking them how they decide how cherries are awarded. You will put them on the defensive, as it is a such a complicated process that not even the editors themselves understand it. You will also greatly impair your chances of ever earning a cherry again.
There are probably as many symptoms of ABC OCD as there are the number of writers on the site. ABC OCD sufferers tire easily for reasons already mentioned, so I will be ending shortly. However, I found the following helpful in aiding my recovery.
a) Counselling. Generally a waste of time. However if you like the thought of whinging on about your childhood to a stranger, it may help. At least it will take you away from that computer.
b) Controlled breathing and visualisation.
Breathe deeply in and out from your abdomen whilst imagining yourself somewhere beautiful like a deserted beach. This method failed me, but I may have been too impatient as I had just posted a piece and kept checking for comments. It is worth exploring further if you happen to be on a deserted beach without internet access.
c) Distraction
I found this technique to be the most helpful. Try watching something gripping. I recommend `The Killing.’ If you have been living on another planet, (easy to do when you have ABC OCD) it is a tantalising thriller. I tried to get my geriatric friend to watch it, but he protested that he cannot understand Danish. I explained to him that you don’t notice the sub-titles, but he is stubborn in the way that is unique to the elderly. Instead he sits in a locked ward with his pipe and slippers watching re-runs of `Come Dine With Me’, whilst eating pizza takeaways
Other examples of things that can divert you from your symptoms include; watching sport, reading Agatha Christie novels, watching repeats of ‘Tenko’, and watching ‘disaster’ films such as `Alive’ and `The Towering Inferno.’ The old adage that there is always someone worse off than you can be comforting. Or not as the case may be.
d) Exercise. Give it a go. Enthusiasts say it can clear your mind. I just hurt my knee.
In the words of another sufferer, whose confidentiality I must respect.
`This appalling condition has had a catastrophic affect on my life. I fear I may never recover. But there is still hope for many of you out there. Just listen to Overthetop’s invaluable advice, and you could avoid my terrible plight.’
Sorry for quoting you Old Pesky. But you of all people know that one loses all morality in that quest for the elusive cherry…..
*For further reading please read http://www.abctales.com/story/oldpesky/seeking-help
-a very sad tale of a tragic descent into ABC OCD, inspired by me naturally.
*Taken from www.completelyfabricatedstudies.com.
Comments
valiswaverider | July 24, 2011 - 10:58
oh my god I,ve got all the syptoms
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 11:20
And there are so many more like us out there. At least you're brave enough to adnit it!
oldpesky | July 24, 2011 - 11:50
Aha! I knew I wasn't completely mad and imagining new symptoms. It's hard work typing this reply with my nose while wearing a straight-jacket. Nurse, get me out of here!
I've found a typo, but don't know whether I should leave it for insert or not. Oh, what the heck, here it is -
'This(it) because'
Let me thank you for the kind plug at the end. As you know shameless marketing is one of my many symptoms.
I hope a cheery cherry comes your way. For as well as being well written it highlights the dangers of dabbling in ABC. I'm sure none of us set out to be sufferers, but once it takes a hold there's no escape without Seeking Help. Oops, looks like another piece of self-promotion.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Kevin
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 12:37
Many thanks for the cherry eds.
skinner_jennifer | July 24, 2011 - 13:05
Hi OT,
Cannot believe I missed this piece and the other,
because I definitely suffer from all those symptoms,
but I found the best thing to do, is take some deep
breaths and move on.
But sometimes I get confused when I spend hours on
a piece that gets nothing, then five minutes on
another and yipeeee! there's the cherries.
This was a great vote of confidence, to know I'm
not the only one out there with this condition.
Congrats on the cherries, well deserved.
Jenny.
Highhat | July 24, 2011 - 13:12
dear OTT- I think getting a cherry helps for a couple of days but you see they can't be bribed or bought anywhere- yes I have all the symptoms- Maybe we need some counselling for this mass hysteria- we aren't going criminal are we? To get ahold of those infamous cherries or just looking for more inspiration?
I am a bit worried- but it is cherry season- so tomorrow I will go to the store and buy some- should do nicely for an hour or so.I hope I don't choke on the pips.
Get better soon- all of us
;)Pia
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 13:49
Many thanks Oldpesky. Couldn't have done it without you and you are welcome any time for the plug. Much deserved.
I would have thought your nurse could have helped you with the reply, but as I recall - she is new and you were rather worried by her proclivity for `Strictly Come Dancing'.
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 13:53
Hi Jenny - thanks so much for wading through this and the old one too! Yes I have spent ages on pieces tha havn't got cherries, yet something I just `knocked out' goes and gets one. It's a complete mystery. I have noticed that my depressing poems get nowhere - but the eds seem to like the `funny ones'.
I'll try the breathing!
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 13:57
Hi Pia - I remember how you were the first person to comment on the last ABC OCD. It has obviously struck a chord with you! I have all the symptoms and a fewmore besides! Bless you for reading and comment. Good luck with getting some real cherries tomorrow. I can already feel my `Cherry euphoria' wearing off!
seashore | July 24, 2011 - 15:28
Sometimes - like the past few weeks - I just have to lie down in a darkened room and avoid the computer completely until I begin to feel a tad more human again.
Perhaps you could put that in the next follow-up??
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 16:11
Will bear that in mind for the next ABC OCD `bulletin' Seashore.
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 17:37
Thanks for reading and very funny comments blighters. Of Course ALL our work that doen't get a cherry is just a travesty inflicted upon us by those darn editors. I think Rupert Murdoch has aleady put in a bid for ABC Tales, and, despite his recent hiccoughs, is likely to be successful.
Get well soon.
RachelPatricia | July 24, 2011 - 18:14
Loved this, OTT. Can't think of anything funny to put in response - that's the ABC OCD for you though, I guess.
Going to drown myself in a cup of tea now, seeing as I'll never be able to write anything as witty and insightful as this - is seething jealousy a symptom, too? I can't recall whether it featured in the original ABC OCD - must be the memory loss you speak of. Gosh, I think I'm terminal!
Congrats on the cherries - I imagine you're probably rubbing a whole bunch of them to your cheek with joy as we speak, and rightfully so ;)
All the best - think we all need as many best wishes as we can get 'round here, poorly as we are :)
Rachel xx
Silver Spun Sand | July 24, 2011 - 18:25
Wonderful stuff, OTT;-) Like Rachel, I really admire your wry writing (sorry about that;-) and I am totally jealous too. That's GOT to be another symptom.
Very much enjoyed.
Tina
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 19:44
Hello Rachel & thanks so much for ploughing through my self-obsessed tirade! In the first version jealousy was indeed a major symptom. For instance I will read Fatboy and Tina and feel like giving up! I ihave to give Oldpesky some credit too - as he wrote all the funny bits and the bits that are left are very mundane! Yes I am having a brief euphoria for my cherry until it wears off!
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 19:44
Hello Rachel & thanks so much for ploughing through my self-obsessed tirade! In the first version jealousy was indeed a major symptom. For instance I will read Fatboy and Tina and feel like giving up! I ihave to give Oldpesky some credit too - as he wrote all the funny bits and the bits that are left are very mundane! Yes I am having a brief euphoria for my cherry until it wears off!
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 19:44
Hello Rachel & thanks so much for ploughing through my self-obsessed tirade! In the first version jealousy was indeed a major symptom. For instance I will read Fatboy and Tina and feel like giving up! I ihave to give Oldpesky some credit too - as he wrote all the funny bits and the bits that are left are very mundane! Yes I am having a brief euphoria for my cherry until it wears off!
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 19:47
Hi Tina - I can't believe you are jealous of this. I am always wishing I could write like you! Oh writers and their insecurities. What are we all like!
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 22:27
Hello Rachel & thanks so much for ploughing through my self-obsessed tirade! In the first version jealousy was indeed a major symptom. For instance I will read Fatboy,Tina, Seashore and others and feel like giving up! I ihave to give Oldpesky some credit too - as he wrote all the funny bits and the bits that are left are very mundane! Yes I am having a brief few minutes of euphoria for my cherry until it wears off!
Overthetop1 | July 24, 2011 - 22:35
Hello Rachel & thanks so much for ploughing through my self-obsessed tirade! In the first version jealousy was indeed a major symptom. For instance I will read Fatboy,Tina, Seashore and many others and feel like giving up! I ihave to give Oldpesky some credit too - as he wrote all the funny bits and the bits that are left are very mundane! Yes I am having a brief euphoria for my cherry until it wears off!Why on earth has this reply repeated itself so many times? Now that gives me something else to worry about as I don't know how to delete comments or replies!
barryj1 | July 25, 2011 - 00:55
This was pretty darn funny! It really points up how vulnerable writers are to anything that threatens our egos. A great read!
Overthetop1 | July 25, 2011 - 02:41
Thank you very much for reading and commenting Barry. And what are you doing on the site at 01.55?Don't tell me you havesymptoms of ABC OCD too!
insertponceyfre... | July 25, 2011 - 05:43
"easy to do when you have ABC ACD" oh god....it hasn't mutated into something even worse has it? << one eye starts to twitch in nervous anticipation >>
thank you so much for further outlining this unfortunate condition overthetop. It's good to know there's a medical expert around who really understands this kind of thing.
Overthetop1 | July 25, 2011 - 06:59
Insert I am so glad you have read and commented because, like the unfortunate Pesky, you are also mentioned in this piece. It originally read `You know your magic red pen is already quivering with anticipation Insert'.
However you have still secured your place in the annals of ABC OCD - which is unfortunately, despite my best efforts with mice-still incurable. But in the meantime all I can do is to try to help people cope. Please be assured Insert you can tell me all your darkest ABC OCD symtpoms. You are then protected by the DR/patient confidentiality.Honest!
fatboy74 | July 25, 2011 - 12:20
You can't bump up your own read count OTT that is definitely cheating - and you don't have anything to be jealous about, this is another great piece of writing. Really well done. :-)
Overthetop1 | July 25, 2011 - 13:20
I don't ever bump it up FB - just the odd one here and there - oh well yes I do I actually! I am always jealous of everyone else's writing but thanks for the compliment anyway.
Overthetop1 | July 25, 2011 - 13:45
I don't ever bump it up FB - just the odd one here and there - oh well yes I do I actually! I am always jealous of everyone else's writing but thanks for the compliment anyway.Something wierd is going on with my replies to comments - I keep duplicating them which looks like I'm trying to bump up the total of my comments - now there's a thought.
Highhat | July 26, 2011 - 16:42
Poor Richard- when you least expect it you're elected
;D
Overthetop1 | July 27, 2011 - 00:38
Richard - I have done exactly the same myself.It's all so horribly familiar to me. That same old, sad routine. Why do the cherry - pickers torture us so! They probably know who are the most veulnerable amomgst us & toy with our emotions.
I havn't tried Waitrose's cherry fools - I don't suppose they compare to `that shitty red thing that glistens in the mind' though.
Overthetop1 | July 27, 2011 - 00:38
Richard - I have done exactly the same myself.It's all so horribly familiar to me. That same old, sad routine. Why do the cherry - pickers torture us so! They probably know who are the most veulnerable amomgst us & toy with our emotions.
I havn't tried Waitrose's cherry fools - I don't suppose they compare to `that shitty red thing that glistens in the mind' though.
maggyvaneijk | July 28, 2011 - 09:19
What a hilarious piece OTT and I love all the comments you've inspired. Your dead pan sense of humour has sparked a lot of giggles from my end of the screen. I loved this bit: Exercise. Give it a go. Enthusiasts say it can clear your mind. I just hurt my knee.
Overthetop1 | July 28, 2011 - 19:07
Oh Maggy I am always so chuffed to see you commenting on my humble efforts because I think you are probably (don't tell any of the others) my favourite poet on ABC because you always write from a place in your head that I think i've been. If that makes sense & doesn't sound too obseqiuous! I'm so glad I made you laugh. At least I can do that anyhow!
maggyvaneijk | July 28, 2011 - 19:45
You can't reply to a compliment with another big-time compliment on your own work none the less! But thanks :) You can definitely make me and lots of others on here laugh out loud!
Overthetop1 | July 29, 2011 - 13:25
Maggy - thanks for the bit about making people laugh out loud. Much appreciated. I think I had better leave the poetry side to you & others and concentrate on the funny stuff. I think the editors are trying to tell me something by giving `the funny ones' cherries!
flash | August 30, 2011 - 09:46
I don't recognize any of these symptoms *coughs*.
*Punches the American Spellchecker, that made him spell recognise with a fecking Z *
Oh dear don't tell me that's another symptom i have? :o(.
What about watching to see if others agree with your comments about a piece of work?
OMG!!!!! this is an incurable malady and no mistake.
xx
Alan
Christine | December 1, 2011 - 17:41
I love this. Reading OCD that is, not having it. Of course, I don't.
Overthetop1 | December 1, 2011 - 19:26
No I am sure you haven't. Me neither. Completely better now. But for all those tragic cases that still may have it - there will, I am delighted, to announce that there will be a fourth ABC - OCD. So many symptoms - so little time...