City Hall: An Autobiography, Chapter 7

Oh, boy. My coach wants to send me to Montreal for a month. Crap. Not that I have anything against Montreal. I like Montreal, but it means taking a month leave from City Hell. I can see Mayor Man having a shit-fit over this.

I have also talked to Coach with regards as to who is paying for this trip. I should be able to get a government grant. He is 'working on it'.

I stepped into the office, John was in there doing nothing as usual. Judy was working on some stuff on the computer. James and Jannet were cleaning up the printer room. Mayor Man was yapping on the phone, and it looks like he is in a bad mood as usual.

I don't think this is a good time to tell him about Montreal.

"I got it.", John said immediately as I stepped in.

"Got what?", I asked, "A major mental malfunction?"

John looked at me and smiled, "I am now a police supervisor."

"Oh, no.", I said with sarcasm, "Now our police are going to get even lazier. Just when you thought comatose was not lazy enough, along comes John. Excuse me, Supervisor John. Oh, shit."

John was staring into space the whole time I was talking, but this is normal for him. He's an idiot.

I continued, "More donut breaks, more standing around with thumbs up butts, longer response times, what else...?"

I turned to Judy, "What do you think, Judy? Is it a good idea for John to be a supervisor?"

Judy said nothing, but just began to laugh hysterically.

"I guess that's a 'no', I looked at John.

John looked around at all of us, "I don't give a crap what any of you think. It's been done. As of tomorrow, I am a boss."

"Very scary, that is.", I said in a sarcastic voice while trying to imitate Yoda.

The Mayor walked into the office right at that time, "What the hell is this deal about you going to Montreal, Jake?"

Oh, boy. Someone spilled the beans. I wonder who? John? I wouldn't be surprised.

I gave John a dirty look, and he smirked.

Now I have to awkwardly explain myself to Mayor Man, "Well, Jeremy is not going to be around for the month, and he wants me to keep training, so he is sending me to his friend's gym in Montreal, and he is going to try to get a grant to pay for it. Isn't that great?"

The Mayor looked at me with one of 'those looks', "Why can't you just train at another gym around here?"

I raised my hand, and rubbed my fingers together, "I would have to pay more to train at another place. Besides, I am hoping the Government of Canada will give me a grant to assist my training. This gives me an excuse to apply."

The Mayor did not look too happy, considering he is always complaining about my performance anyway, so in a rather angry voice he said, "...and how the hell is any work going to get done around here? Its bad enough that you are damn late every damn day, and now you are coming to me expecting me to give you a whole F-ing month off so you can flake off to Montreal to train for some stupid boxing match that you don't have a chance in Hell of winning. Let me get it straight. Is that what you are asking? Really, tell me. Is that it?"

Oh boy, this is awkward. He's a bit pissed. You think?

"Ummmmmm...yeah.", I said rather quietly.

"No.", he said firmly, and walked out of the room.

I looked around and noticed that the whole office was looking at me.

Judy's phone rang, "Hello, Mayor's Office."

After a short pause she said, "Sure Jeremy, he's right here."

"It's for you.", she looked at me.

I don't know why he didn't call my extension, but it doesn't matter.

"Coach.", I said with happy surprise, "What's up?"

Coach sounded excited, "I need you to drop by the gym after work. We received a letter from the government grants office."

I was feeling happier now. Its possible that I may have hit a huge windfall thanks to the Canadian taxpayers.

"OK, I'll come over now.", I said happily.

"I have to go.", I said to Judy, then quickly left.

As I was walking past the mayor's office, I heard his big thundering voice after me, "Forget it, Jake. I'm not giving you time off to go to Montreal!"

It was beginning to rain, and it was one of those cold, autumn rains. Crappy.

I once again took the subway up to Dundas West station. There was no delay for a change. It confused me. I am not sure what to do when there is no delay. An even bigger surprise, the Forty was on time! Wow. Call the newsroom. This is true news!

Once I arrived at the Stockyards Gym, Coach Jeremy was sitting at his desk filing through some papers. Sure enough, on his desk was a letter from the government grants office. It was not open. I thought he had already opened it.

"Hi, Coach.", I said as I walked in.

"Are you ready?", Coach said, "Let's see what happened."

He grabbed the letter and opened it.

"There is a cheque in here.", He said happily, then began to slowly remove the envelope as to reveal one number at a time.

He read each number as it was revealed, "I see a four."

"Four is a good number", I said in a happy voice.

He revealed the next number, "I see an eight."

"Eight is a very good number", I said with a smile.

He revealed the next number, "Seven."

"OK", I said.

He pulled the envelope further, "I see... I see... I see $487...Well, that covers the first day."

"What?!", I yelled. "No wonder we always suck at the Olympics. If this is the kind of support our government gives our athletes."

"Well, Jake, I guess flying to Montreal is out. You will have to take the bus.", Coach said.

"There may be a bit of a problem with that.", I said in a disappointed voice, "The mayor is not letting me have any time off."

The coach had a look of disappointment, "Oh, what an ass."

"Its OK, I'll work on it.", I said, as I knew there would be a way to smooth-over the mayor.

Coach was in the middle of packing for his trip, "OK, Jake, I'm off for the rest of the month. I have to go. Please lock up when you leave. Good luck with the mayor. If you can't get to Montreal, do your best to train on your own."

"Yeah, Coach.", I said, "Later."

I did a bit of training after Coach left. Well, a bit, 90 minutes. I was so entrenched in my training, that I completely forgot about City Hell.

I collected all my belongings, locked up the gym, and headed for the bus stop.

I looked at the schedule, and the Forty is supposed to be every twelve minutes this time of day. That means the next one should be here in about an hour. One thing to always remember about the buses in Toronto, there are two schedules, the posted schedule, and the drivers' schedule.

I waited at Runnymede Loop for a few minutes, a thirty, and a seventy-one went by, but no fourty. Of course not. You know how it works, if I didn't want the bus there would be all kinds. Buses for days!

I saw a seventy-nine coming, which goes to Runnymede Station, so I decided to take that.

By this time it was almost three o'clock, I really only have about an hour or so left to work. It is pretty-well pointless to go back to the office.

I went to Dundas West Station, and walked up to Glenlake Avenue.

I walked up to my crappy attic apartment. Three sets of stairs. Oh yeah, I have not yet told you about by crappy attic apartment. Well, it is in a nice house, on a nice street, but its a damn attic! It is basically a single room with a low ceiling, and a small closet in one corner. My bathroom is actually on the second floor, so I have to walk down the creaky stairs and across the hall. It is my own bathroom, but thanks to those noisey stairs, the whole house knows when I am using the toilet. In my room, I have a futon, table, chair, LCD TV with digital cable, computer, a counter and a small fridge, hotplate and mircowave, and a small stainless steel sink. I also have a toaster, slow cooker and coffee maker. Nothing special, and only $765 per month. Yeah, welcome to Toronto.

When I walked in, the message indicator on my phone was flashing.

Oh crap. That is probably the mayor complaining about why I was not at work for most of the day.

I looked through the caller IDs, and sure enough, "CITY OF TORONTO" was there. Damn!

I went and checked my messages, there was one from Mayor Man, "Jake, I'm not sure where the hell you are, but I have re-considered. Don't bother coming in for the rest of the month, have fun in Montreal."

See, I knew I could change his mind.

This changes things. Now I have to get ready for a month in Montreal. I don't even have a place to stay. I have a whole $487, that should cover a nice suite at the Hilton...for a day.

I hate travelling, it is always such a huge pain in the butt. At least it will give me some time away from those idiots called co-workers, and that fucking John.

One thing I do not have in this stupid room, is laundry facilities, and I don't really have permission to use the ones in the basement. I'm sure it would be OK to use their machines, but with my luck something would happen. The washer would explode, or something. I decided to take all my dirty clothes down the street to the coin laundry.

Let me tell you something about this Laundry. I call it "Overload". The reason is that the owner always complains about people overloading the machines.

While my clothes were washing, I went over to the condo across the street for a swim in their indoor pool. How did I get a key to the condo across the street? That is for me to know, and you to find out...Ha ha ha.

After my swim, I walked back to the Laundry. To my shock, the washer had stopped, and was still full of water. The stupid thing did not spin. I pulled the dripping-wet clothes from the washer and put them into the dryer. These are going to take a long time to dry!

I put quite a few quarters into the dryer, and right about then the "Overload" lady came in.

I told her the problem with the washer, and she replied exactly as I thought, "You overload machine! Too much in it! You broke my machine! If you break machine, you pay for fix!"

Awww...shut up, asshole. Overload your ass!

I don't have time for this crap. I have so much to do. I still have to find a hotel, and buy the bus tickets. Shit.

When I got home from the Laundry, I just dropped everything into my bag. I don't fold. I'm a guy.

Shit...shit...shit...I need on the computer to book a hotel. The best thing to do at this point is to go to hostelworld.com. I don't have the time or money for a real hotel, so I guess I will have to settle for a dorm. I used to stay in those when I was younger. There is nothing wrong with them. They are clean and not too expensive. Then, I will go to the Coach Canada website to check for ticket prices.

I booked the Alexendre--Montreal near Barri-UQAM, it is a nice place and only $23 a day. I then checked the prices for bus tickets, $28 each way. That is not bad. Let me finish packing and get the fuck out of here. I am so happy to be getting out of this piece of shit city.

The next bus to Montreal leaves in an hour. If I walk to the bus station, I can get there in just under an hour, if I take the TTC, I can get there in just over an hour. Hmmmm...I'll take a damn taxi.

After a 70-minute taxi ride through downtown Toronto damn traffic, and $44.50 fare, I obviously missed the bus, but they are apparently every hour. Good, I have time to line up for....oh, shit, look at that lineup for tickets. Damn!

I could feel my blood pressure slowly beginning to rise. See, this is why I hate travel....and I have to go to the bathroom!

When it was finally my turn at the ticket window, I walked up to the lady, and politely asked, "Hi. Montreal, please."

"OK", she said with a smile, "$112.75, please."

I was expecting to pay $28, so this was news to me, and I was not the least bit happy about it, "Wait. I was just on the website and the ticket is $28. What the hell kind of stunt are you trying to pull, lady?"

She just looked at me and smiled, "That is a discounted fare, you have to book on the website at least ten days ahead of time. If you just walk in off the street and want a ticket for the next bus, you have to pay full fare, which is $112.75"

I was enraged, "Fuck...fuck...fuck...fuck...fuck...fuck...fuck...you! That's bullshit! I am not paying $112 for bus fare, and I am not leaving this window without a $28 bus ticket! Now, what can I get for $28?"

She clanked away on her computer for a few seconds, and then turned to me and said, "Guelph."

"Guelph?!", I questioned, "Guelph? You are sending me to Guelph? What the hell is there to do in Guelph?"

The ticket agent smiled and said, "There is a very good university there, sir."

I looked at her with a glare, "I don't want to go to university! I've been to university! I want to go to Montreal!"

"$112.75, please", she said as if nothing had happened.

Nothing was going to crack her. I have to say she was very professional, "OK, fine.", I slammed my Visa card onto the counter, "Here is your damn $112.75, and I hope you choke on it!"

She smiled and handed me the ticket, "Thank you, sir. Bay twelve. Have a nice trip."

"Bitch.", I said quietly as I walked away, and went to bay twelve to wait for boarding.

Meanwhile, back at City Hall...

Judy was getting ready to leave for the day. It was almost eight o'clock. Judy likes to work late. First one in, last one out. I hate her.

Her phone rang, "Shit....Hello, Mayor's Office."

The voice calling was very familiar. It was John, "Hey, Judy. Is Jake still in?"

Judy said in a sarcastic voice, "What do you think?"

"I didn't think he was.", John said, "I wanted to let him know that due to the department cutbacks initiated by him, they are sending some of us away to 'train' at other police departments. They are sending me away for three weeks... to Montreal! So, Jake should be happy. I'll be out of his hair for a while."

TO BE CONTINUED...