Trisha's In Trouble - Monday Pt1 (Explicit Content)


from the ABC set Trisha's In Trouble

Monday

There was only one thing Trisha knew for certain, and Trisha knew she didn’t know much. But she was a hundred percent this time, and sure as hell wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass her by. Danny was a liar and a cheat, and this time he had no way out of it. Okay, so he’d managed to worm his way back into her good books in the past, but he had a right shock in store for him tonight if he thought he was going to get out of this one. Trisha glanced around the room one last time, picked the rucksack up off the bed and never looked back.

As the taxi neared the restaurant, Trisha ran a red lipstick over her lips and kissed the back of one of the driver’s business cards to make it stick. It was pissing it down as she stepped out onto the street with the rucksack held above her head, her red stilettos slipping on the wet cobbles. Alfred, the doorman on duty tonight, nodded at Trisha as she walked through the glass doors of the restaurant and into the lobby, where she immediately threw the rucksack to the ground and began to shake herself off. A few of the waitresses turned their noses up at her but Trisha couldn’t have given less of a fuck right at that moment. She clocked her reflection in the mirror, saw that her lipstick was the only immaculate thing about her appearance tonight and sighed, before booting in the dining room door and letting out a blood curdling scream.

Once she had Danny alone in the kitchen Trisha began to cry. She didn’t know why she was crying- she wasn’t sad at all. Though they could hardly be tears of joy, given the situation. Danny too wondered why Trisha was suddenly sobbing, but figured it’d be for his own good for him to keep quiet. Given the situation.
Five minutes passed in which Trisha cried and Danny tried to edge closer towards a set of steel knives on the worktop to his right. He could hear sirens in the distance and knew that if Trish was ever going to blow his brains out, it’d be round about now she’d decide to do it. She was shaking and muttering to herself, slumped down with her back against the freezer doors, the pistol swinging from her left pinkie finger. Danny took a sly glance at the knives.
“Don’t even think about it”, Trisha suddenly said, slowly picking up her head. Her snow-white cheeks we're flushed and wet, streaked with mascara. She fixed Danny with a crazed glare and pointed the gun his way. “You knew it was gonna come to this".
"To this?! Are you fuckin' mental?! Don’t you think you’ve shot enough people for one fuckin' night?! Oh my god, Trish, what the fuck have you done?!” Danny yelled.
Trisha shot a hole in the ceiling and a light went out.
“No, I’ve fuckin' not shot enough people tonight, Dan! Not at all! In fact, I quite like the sound of somebody’s brain hitting a wall, so why don't you just carry on you fucking arsehole?!”
She paced around him in a circle, her heels clicking noisily on the cold tiled floor, the gun now aimed at his chest. The sirens were louder now; the police would be here within minutes. Danny took a deep breath.
“But, I love you, Trish”
She stopped moving and looked him straight in the eyes.
“Really, Danny?”
Her tone was soft around the edges. She bit her lip and he looked at them, smudged now but nonetheless still shockingly vivid, and realised that their image would probably be the very last to cross his mind before tonight was through.
“Course, Trish” he whispered. “I’ve always loved you. It's always been you”
Danny held his arms out and took a step towards her.
“Bollocks” Trisha said, and shot him at point blank.

Trisha watched Danny’s body slump to the floor as thick blood started to ooze from his nose and mouth. His eyes had a look in them similar to that of a rabbit caught in headlights for just a second, then nothing.
She took his wallet out of his jacket pocket and knelt before him.
“Thanks for fuck all, love”, she said, sniffling and waving the wallet in front of his bloodshot eyes. “Say hello to Shelly for me won’t you? Sure you’ll recognise her; she’s the one with the big fuck-off hole in the middle of her forehead”
Trisha wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand and rose to her feet. She slicked another layer of red across her lips and looked around at the mess she had made, before turning on her heels and casually exiting the building via the fire escape, as the wail of sirens rang loud through the air...

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Comments

Silver Spun Sand | March 19, 2010 - 08:57

Welcome to ABC;-) You have entered with a 'bang' and no mistake!!

Strong stuff, most certainly. I shall look forward to reading more of your work.

Tina

penandpaperdreams | March 19, 2010 - 10:53

Thank you for your comment, Tina. Trisha is a character who hit me out of nowhere a few years ago and is a favourite of mine so I hope you enjoy the rest of her story :) My styles vary widly and Trisha is just one example of that; I do have a softer side, honest!
Rachel

alonso071 | March 21, 2010 - 14:27

Wow you sure got me and my brother in suspense as we read it keep it going please alonso

--
Sent on a phone using T9space.com

penandpaperdreams | March 21, 2010 - 21:28

Glad you liked it, I've posted the next couple of chapters so feel free to read them and let me know what you think. Thanks

Rachelxx

Ian Hobson | April 28, 2010 - 11:53

Rachael, you asked for an honest review, so:

Apart from the first sentence, which seems to me to be the wrong way round, and the word ‘right’ in front of ‘shock’, which seems to be inappropriate (except as dialogue), not a bad start to a story. Though I’d change ‘pissing it down’ to ‘raining heavily’, unless you can put the words in Trisha’s head. Also, ‘shake herself off’ suggests something other than shaking her coat dry, and Danny’s thoughts could be worded better, and the repeat of ‘given the situation’ could be avoided.

But now we hit what I see as a major problem:

‘Don’t you think you’ve shot enough people?’

At this point I thought that I must have missed a paragraph or two. Perhaps you are trying to shock the reader but, if so, the actual shootings would have been more shocking; and I wouldn’t have had to reread what I’d just read, to see if I’d missed something.

Good ending though: leaves the reader wondering what will happen next.

Ian
Art+stories: http://ianhobson.blogspot.com