Corny

We saw each other across a crowded field
Through the cows and sheep and things congealed.
She was a mile away and my heart skipped three beats
She had a radiant smile and her hair was in pleats.

Beside me some cows were chewing the cud
Walking around them, I got covered in mud.
I grabbed ones ear and pulled it close
I’ve got foot and mouth. Do you want a dose?

My quiet confession spread through the herd
And each cow in turn gave me the bird.
I stuck up a finger and looked for a way through
But the ground was still heavy and sticky like glue.

With the cow’s obscene insults ringing in my ears
I began to struggle between the sheep and the steers.
To make matters worse it started to rain
But I’ll fight my way to her, ignoring the pain.

Three quarters of the way a sheep stood its ground
I pulled open its fleece and slipped it a pound.
By moving aside my way to her was free
Soon I’d be clutching her body to me.

As I got closer my blood was on fire
Now she could answer my wanton desire
At last I was there, kiss me please do
Don’t be a prat - with my husband behind you?