This day has finally come

This is such a lovely poem for your wife, such sentiment expressed,

Howeverm, I feel you could make it even better if it 'scanned' properly - try counting the syllables on each like and you'll see what I mean,

J x

Thanks Jen, I was thinking that aswell. Been looking at what you say on Jupiters poems about it and was sort of hoping you would suggest it to me.
:0Cheers
Glad you enjoyed it.

x

Right:

This day has finally come = 7
when the two of us will unite as one = 10
The day of extensive anticipation = 11
Will bring much joy and elation = 8

Today will live forever in our hearts = 10
For what we have no one will tear apart =10
As I become your husband and you my wife = 11
Together we embark upon a new life. = 11

To have and to hold for sickness and in health = 11
Staying together even despite decreasing wealth = 13
Anything set before us we can get through = 11
As long as we are together and I have you = 12

The deep adoration possessed by you I = 11
Will only strengthen as time goes by = 9
Our love never fading others ask how = 10
with you together forever is my solemn vow = 13

Do you see how they are all uneven? In a rhythmical poem, you need to have patterns of syllables, either:

a e.g. 8
b e.g. 10
a e.g. 8
b e.g. 10

or

a e.g. 7
a e.g. 7
a e.g. 7
a e.g. 7

or

a
a
a
b etc,

with all stanzas echoing each other, unless you want one to stand out for dramatic effect.

Does this help?

:) Thank you once again,do you or have you done some sort of literature in the past because this is good stuff you're telling me.

This isn't the final version of this piece, It will be improved in the near future

I have an English degree and I am an English teacher. I also read a lot - I always have two or three books on my bedside table! I enjoy helping others to do the best they can and I also like people to criticise my pieces and help me to improve them - we are all learning!

Glad to be of help!

J x

Just like to say I admire you Jennifer,looking at your work you are not talented at what you do but are blessed. Blessed with a motive to do well and that's what you've done. Also now you are teaching,well whoever is being taught should realise how special you are and how lucky they are to have you teaching them.

This is good Pinda, I was expecting to see rap on the page; which I couldn't imagine working. The wording is great and the sentiment is class too. Enjoyed and sorry to have pre-judged before I actually read; there's a lesson in there somewhere ;) I suppose rap is poetry anyway when you think of it.

Chris ;)

This is really lovely Pinda, beautifully expressed in my opionion. Sarah x