It has been a while since I had a lay
so I hit the town and stake out my next prey.
Like a hunter camoflauged trying to remain out of sight
I wait patiently amist the crowd in the dark of night.
Alas my opportunity arises for this is the time to strike
For my prey is the woman I will take home with me tonight.
As unexpecting prey she gazes into my eyes
not seeing the true me but only my disguise.
For the disguise I wear has her in a deep trance
with her thinking thoughts of only romance.
My words are like venom penetrating her defense
however these words of romance she perceives to be immense.
As our bodies unite I take her on an emotional flight,
She wants this to last forever but for me it will be just one night.
Comments
pinda | May 19, 2009 - 16:41
Any1 who writes love poems,feedback would be good. I do these poems for my girl.I'm trying to get better
SundaysChild | May 19, 2009 - 17:26
I think this is very good, pinda, however it confused me.
To begin with I thought it was about a man- a dangerous man- with wicked intentions (a rapist, basically), as the tone seems quite sinister- ('strike', 'prey' etc)- then it goes on to say:
'As our bodies unite I take her on an emotional flight,
She wants this to last forever but for me it will be just one night.'
This sounds like the woman involved is consenting to, and indeed, enjoying the experience and wants it to 'last forever'- and it is the man who is more indifferent...'but for me it will be just one night'. I took this as a clever twist I had not been expecting.
It certainly does not come across as 'love' to me- it came across as a mixture of something dark/a one night stand.
Your comment: 'I write these for my girl' was what confused me- as this does not sound like a love poem.
Please let me know if I am missing the point- I did like it, just a bit muddled by it- and I want to understand.
pinda | May 19, 2009 - 17:38
Lol,yea my Girlfriend well,she likes when I put little twists in my rhymes,e.g. love,dark poems. So I make these clever types for her to look at.Yes i'm glad you liked the twist,I'm glad you noticed I was trying to make it look like rape but was infact a one night stand.
I should really change what cat I put my poem into,as it may confse more people.lol this makes me look like a creep with a weird sense of love.
SundaysChild | May 19, 2009 - 17:42
Lol pinda, well thanks for explaining... :)
hannahxrose | May 20, 2009 - 08:15
I loved the last lines, it was a good ending statement