Born as a soldier
Never lost composure
Until....I,
Met a Slovenian girl
We raised our young
Love was my motivation
That is what I told her
One cold night
I heard screams and cries
Ran to the bedroom floor
It was wrong not right
I witnessed hell through my eyes
There was blood on the bathroom door
It was an attack on our love
Just, because we have different skin
Just because I'm black
Just because she was white
They thought what we had wasn't right
Comments
maggyvaneijk | May 25, 2010 - 14:12
Wow, such a powerful poem, you really conveyed the injustice and unfair treatment of the couple. As I reader I felt very angry at the end!
I think to make this poem that much more powerful you could change one or two lines that might be too cliche, like it was "wrong not right"
Maybe for this you could use something more detailed and specific?
Although that's just my opinion, overall it's a fantastic poem!
pinda | May 25, 2010 - 19:13
Thank you, I'll re-write it and try and improve :)