Ah could I ever forget the pang
each blade of grass, each raindrop
formed of incandescence
And the coral pink
of evening clouds wept rain
as we tumbled back to a world
that must always feel muted
in the bitter taste of old humiliations,
my comforting darkness of selfhood.
And when you rise, whatever that may mean
How will I ever speak of pure clear light,
that terrible face?
Yet it was good we were there
though we could not hold on.
Comments
mykle | August 7, 2008 - 13:11
Brilliant!
tcook | August 7, 2008 - 16:57
Who or what is Tabor? I know of June Tabor but that's it. I think the whole thing is a tad too oblique!
poetjude | August 7, 2008 - 21:23
Vagueness is oft my downfall!
It's a Catholic thing... the transfiguration allegedly occured on Mount Tabor and Tabor's Light is an Eastern theology that arose from the story.
ralph | August 8, 2008 - 11:31
http://www.myspace.com/ralphieloveplusone
I think of this as quite beautiful. Oblique is good in this case. The metre is perfect and creates real meaning.
It's musical, intense and sad. Like an ambiant piece by Brian Eno or a languid stroll in humid rain.
Macjoyce | August 10, 2008 - 20:01
What does ralph mean by metre? I can see only free verse here. The lines are mainly of similar length but that doesn't constitute metre.
Anyway, I'm not criticising. I thought it was a good poem, especially "And when you rise, whatever that may mean", which is interesting.
The only thing is, are you sure about "incandescence so intensely bright"? It's basically three adjectives in a row. In fact, 'intensely' is a dreaded adverb and so for that matter is 'so', so here we have adjective, adverb, adverb, adjective. Eek!
It's also rather tautological. Incandescence IS intense brightness. Do you need three words for the same thing?
www.myspace.com/norwichfacetransplant
poetjude | August 17, 2008 - 11:19
No and I have lifted it out! Blame Aldous Huxley, I stole the phrase from him verbatim!
jude
"Cacoethes scribendi"
http://www.judesworld.net