To what? (IP)

By Rhiannonw

Mon, 21 Jul 2014
  • 1531 reads
6 comments
 

They say:
Don’t try to be a champion
unless you get committed,
don’t expect the accolade
unless you’ve concentrated
wholly, fully, all your hours,
all your strength and all your powers,
all your thought, to push through pain,
focussed on a single aim
to persevere and reach your goal
and know success, achievement, fame.    

If you fail, or when you’ve won,
what to do when all is done –
your dreams fulfilled, you’ve reached the top
(or prematurely had to stop)?

Ambition, zeal, commitment grip,
but does it vice-like, lead and whip
with robot-like, control, compel,
and, as it were, hold in a spell?                ,
withdrawal pains may be acute
though crowds your victory salute.

But I’m committed to a cause,
to serve a hero,
no slavery enforced, but free,
relaxing, working happily
to please him, who has died for me –
as now I see with clarity –
if he’s done that
I must do what
I can delightedly,
committedly,
this perfect fellow follow
who is my Maker and my Saviour.

[IP:Get committed]

 

Certificate U
Poem
Christian, Biblical
Philosophy
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

A wonderfully uplifting take on the IP, Rhiannon.  Stirring, and emotive.  A fine post.

Tina

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you very much, Tina for your words of encouragement. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Rhiannon

The shape and pace of this poem seemed to mimic the athlete's struggle.  It almost gave me shortness of breath reading it.

And how true that to be good at anything demands enormous committment, that most of us fail to have.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I hadn't thought about the beat of the poem going with the athelete's struggle until you suggested it, Jean, so i read it again, and it does seem to reinfornce, doesn't it!
But it did seem to both challenge my committment to life service, and contrast as my committment can have relaxation and is not going to suddenly reach a stop of disappointment.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

What I like about it is that it reads like performance poetry - kind of like Suli Breaks. The beat of it is terrific. If I were going to edit, I would think about the transition between the third and fourth stanzas.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you for that interesting comment. Something to think about. Rhiannon