Environmental Interlude

By Richard L. Provencher

Thu, 20 Oct 2016
  • 1719 reads
7 comments
 

Environmental Interlude

 

We sought repose and found

disarray along the trail,

a litany of litter defacing

the beauty, its refreshment

awaiting those who seek fulfillment.

Bending in shame, I lay my head

on a fallen limb, once a majestic courier

 among the woods, and I wept.

 

(c) 2016 Richard L. Provencher

Certificate U
Poem
More Than Words years 2016+
Nature

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

The natural falling wastage of leaf litter and branches has its own beauty and usefulness, but not the unnecessary and thoughtless litter droppings of the passers-by. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Hello R. I am so distressed when I see the human litter within the woods on well-travelled trails. My ending was that through sleep, I was able to remove myself from the immediate sad reaction. I wrestled with using the word, "wept" rather than "slept." What do you think? Thanks, R. PS. Thank you for your comment. 

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Hi, Richard, Interesting -when one is wanting to convey much through concise writing, it sometimes takes much honing! 'wept' might convey the distress more clearly than 'slept'. or it might be stronger emotion than you really want to convey, or something like 'rested my eyes from the blight'. ??? Rhiannnon

 

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Hello Rhiannon, I appreciate your input and may sit on slept/wept for a bit. I like to hone my poems as an extra exercise for my brain. For years I have challenged my brain cells to re-create after my brain-aneurysm in 1999. I am about 90% recoverred and still under treatment. My faith in Jesus, my wife and doctor carried me through the tough times. Writing has been more potent for my situation than an aphrodesiac. R.

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Hi R, I slept on it and now use "wept." It's not too maudlin and it does convey a high degree of sadness, yet knowing, after the tears, our beautiful sun will arise once more. What exactly does FOLLOW and GREAT FEEDBACK mean at the end of each poem submitted? For instance I have over 1,700 comments on my work, but only 2 Great Feedbacks. To me, all comments on my work are great feedback and I appreciate helpful and encouraging comments. How do I make sure I utilize properly those above categories? Cheers, from R.

Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Hi, Richard. I like 'wept'.

'Follow me' is for others to click on as everyone has a section (under 'Read' on the right hand side of the screen) of 'Authors you follow'. If you click on anyone else's 'Follow me' their link should then be on the page 'Authors you follow' if you click on it. It is a way to check on some people's work is you aren't on site very regularly. Also, it helps if you want to look at past work of theirs. Also, of course you can just click on their name when you see it eg on one of their posts or on one of their comments. But people often like to keep a list of contributors they'd like to follow. I'm puzzled though as to why it seems to appear under one's own work. I thought it wouldn't be there on one's own pieces.

'Great Feedback' isn't easy to decide how to use. I think some people just put it on for the first two comments they get. I think you can't do more, at least not in one day. Not everyone uses it, as it can seem to be distinguishing between comments and you are glad of them all. Sometimes, a comment is particularly informative and helpful. Sometimes I just forget about it anyway! Recently it disappeared, and I queried it and after quite a while it came back. I had just wondered whether it was being discontinued, but, again, there still was, on the right of the page a section devoted to it. I think that was to encourage thoughtful, constructive feedback. But that is quite difficult to do! Hope that's some help. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on

Thank you for taking the time to respond, Rhiannon; very helpful. I just wanted to make sure I was not short changing all those kind people, like yourself, for making comments on my poems and my co-author wife, Esther, did. Have a great day. R. 

Richard L. Provencher