It started with the protest
of those it would effect in the future.
Only there to show their support
for freedom and justice.
They were not to know
what would happen that day
or who the culprit would be.
The Poor Man said: “What price must we pay for freedom?”
And The Rich Man said: “You must pay with your rights.”
Those they trusted
and felt were responsible
turned their backs on them
and let them die.
The responsible ones
felt the need to destroy
the lives of simple protestors
looking for a fairer future
for all.
The Poor Man said: “What price must we pay for justice?”
And The Rich Man said: “You must pay with your honesty.”
The protestors gathered
peacefully in the square
through the gates
of heavenly peace.
They thought they could
sit and chant all day
then go home to their
friends and families.
But they couldn’t.
The Poor Man said: “What price must we pay for peace?”
And The Rich Man said: “You must pay with your blood.”
They came on the
third of June and
never left on the fourth.
They were cut down with fire
and bullets on the most
ironic street upon which
it could occur.
The Poor Man said: “What price must we pay for serenity?”
And The Rich Man said: “You must pay with your pain.”
Even the people who
came out of their houses
to see what was happening
were destroyed like weeds.
And even some in houses
with less protection were
shot while lying on the sofa,
shot quickly through
their own thin walls.
The Poor Man said: “What price must we pay for our lives?”
And The Rich Man said: “You must pay with your deaths.”
And all this happened
while The Rich Man
sat down to celebrate
knowing full well of
the massacre of innocents
on his doorstep
and counted his letters
condoning the death of
his predecessor,
and hoping he will continue
his work
on Chang’an Avenue.
The Poor Man said: “Why did you do such a terrible thing to us?”
And The Rich Man said: “What do you mean? We are all safe on this road.”
And all this happened
while The Rich Man
sat down to celebrate
knowing full well of
the massacre of innocents
on his doorstep
and counted his letters
condoning the death of
his predecessor
and hoping he will continue
his work
on Forever Peace Street.
On Forever Peace Street.
Comments
sam_gaughan62 | June 22, 2009 - 18:58
I would be very happy if people would give me feedback on this as it is my first poem and I am only 15 so I may need some help.
jh45 | June 23, 2009 - 02:15
Sounds like you are sick of Socialism. The leaders of my fine land are bringing people around to it but there are still too many bleeting like sacrificial lambs. Anyway, back to this. What do you need help with ? I like the echange between the poor man and the rich man to break up the images in each stanza and then reinforce that same theme. If this happened of course it's a tragic event. Sometimes though subtlety and play on words can really twist the reader into seeing more of your vision. You are right between subtlety ( which is hard ) and outright rage so that's good as well. Hope this helps you, it takea a lot of writing to get better at writing as with anything in life keep going.
sam_gaughan62 | June 23, 2009 - 15:21
Thanks for that jh45. I would be interested to know if it is possible to work out what the poem is about EXACTLY; what do you think it is about?
sam_gaughan62 | June 23, 2009 - 18:04
In leu of my previous comment, I have realised you do not know what the poem is about; hence the 'If this happened of course it's a tragic event'. It is in fact about the events beginning on June 3rd 1989 at Tiannaman Square in China. Look it up if you want to see more into the poem than you did before.
sam_gaughan62 | June 23, 2009 - 18:06
Get in touch if you see more into the poem.
jh45 | June 24, 2009 - 01:05
To me, maybe to others, if you had a line about the one image that if stated brings the whole thing together...the lone student standing in front of the tank. It was the most chilling image from the whole tragedy. One mere small frail human standing in defiance to a machine that can run through brick walls and not get slowed down. I remember Tiannaman Square, especially if someone referenced that lone man who stood against the machine.
DavidK | June 24, 2009 - 06:55
A very good debut posting - lots of promise.
sam_gaughan62 | June 24, 2009 - 16:15
That is a very helpful comment, 'tanks'! I considered using the idea of 'The Tank Man' but I couldn't work out where to put it or how to phrase it - any ideas?
jh45 | June 24, 2009 - 22:04
You can use a play on words. Pretty cool in the square...bring your tanks I don't care...Flesh and bone versus the mettle of an out of control government's heavy hand. They never taught us that in school...standing up to bullies when all hope seems lost. I would look up Odes, Ballads, and Epitaths and write some in their for the fallen maybe. Hope that helps you.
sam_gaughan62 | June 25, 2009 - 16:38
Thanks jh45, that does help. I might even post a new and improved version of this poem at some time. I have lots to do at the moment though; come the summer holidays I will be sure to write more than I have before.
jh45 | June 25, 2009 - 20:43
Anytime. No Poem is ever done. I am revising and or rewriting ones from 2004 to 2006 when I wrote over 400 poems. If you practice other forms it improves you as a writer as well. I have no formal training, I am either too stubborn or resilient or both to quit writing...lol. Glad I could help you.