Grain and Knot

Hi, Scratch.
I too am hearing time's winged chariot though I do my utmost to pay it no heed.

I especially like part of the second stanza -
'And the timbre of your voice higher now
Than in the weight of summer, playing a
Shrieked duet of wind and percussion'.

It's a more gentle take on it than Jaques's 'turning again towards childish treble', etc or so I think, though I suspect that may have been the inspiration.

If I do have a criticism, I'm not sure about the use of 'stomata' which I confess I had to look up myself. Not sure that the metaphor really works for me and perhaps there's just a little bit too much alliteration in those two lines.

But, I'm just quibbling. It's a very good poem indeed and beautifully erudite.

Helvigo Jenkins

Helvigo, yet again your review and critique is welcome and insightful.

Those last two lines of the first stanza have been a constant bugbear from the outset. The alliterative nature is too much and acts as a distraction rather than an enhancement. I really will have to revisit this section (or post one of several alternatives that I have in hand!).

Many thanks for taking the time to review and comment, it is most appreciated.

Love the compactness of this, Scratch! The second stanza is my favourite. Well done on the cherries!

Magic xxx

Thanks mistaken I appreciate your read and kind comment :-)

new scratch
Hello! Just read your,
very good poem. But calling to Ray,
on some of the meanings,of the words,
like stoic, as not got dictionary handy sorry!
But Ray was right sand. And Stoma epidermas spelt wrong me,in a leaf, whatever that is. Dictionary.
I like same stanza as Helvigo too.
I was thinking1 more of stigmata.
Well desrved cherry!
cavalcaderl julie x

Cavalcaderl, you are absolutely correct to think of 'stigmata' in this part. That was exactly my intention - to echo that word with the one that was chosen. In large part this is the reason that I have persevered with it in spite of a little 'clunkiness'.

Many thanks for you timely and very very insightful comment. Big smile from me :-)

Hi there, scratch. I read this one yesterd but didn't have time to comment, unfortunately.

So pleased to see, today, that it got its more than deserved cherry.

Much admired the choice of vocabulary and the resultant alliteration in the first stanza:-

"Brings stubborn stomata
Stifled once more to stilled life."

Great stuff!

Silver;-)

Than you SSS. You can probably see that I was uncertain about that bit your comment has gone a long way to easing my concerns. A big smile from me :-)

Good afternoon, scratch. Hope you're having a good day. I nearly missed this one. Must admit I had to hunt down that stomata word before reading this a second time. But there is something about your poems that, even when I don't completely get it, pulls me in leaving me wanting more. Always a good thing.

Oldpesky, thanks for the thoughts. I must say I feel really good as a result of you telling me that you feel drawn back for more. Now I have to achieve the same with the prose :)

By the way special thanks today.

I liked the alliteration in this - a strong poem with striking imagery!

Many thanks for your read and kind comment hilary west. It is very much appreciated.

A stunning piece

Big smile and thanks from me Maggy.

A wonderful, delectable pieve of prose scratch! Keep up the good work! :)

Many thanks for stopping by Chinobus. Your read and kind comment means a lot to me. You put a big smile on my face! Thank you.

Careful use of some striking words in a finely-crafted piece, Scratch. I keep coming back to re-read it, too, and it keeps showing me more each time. Well done.

Cheers Stan. So glad you like it and thanks for letting me know; much appreciated.

Am catching up at the moment Scratch. I loved all the aliteration you have used here and some beautiful expressions. lovely poem even in its sombreness (if that's a word?)..

;)Pia

That's exactly the word Pia. Many thanks for reading and commenting. I have just put a new one on, if you have the inclination to read it I would be most appreciative - but don't tell any one I asked or else.... <;-)

I love these lines

'And the timbre of your voice higher now
Than in the weight of summer, playing a
Shrieked duet of wind and percussion.

delicious.