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the space between us

Posted by seannelson on October 1, 2011 - 10:39

the space between us
like the dry blackness between stars
the depressive air
between different mind zones

We contort it with a hug;
I slice it with coffeespoons.
Lovers, friends, and family
we walk on opposite sides of the street
as the titanic city sinks into night
every street light soldier
in the great procession
giving its red salute to the sky

Things are always complicated;
mistakes made in permanent ink
can't be erased
but there was never a chance
for a rough draft;
the space between us
is dark and daft

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Comments

skinner_jennifer | October 1, 2011 - 11:23

Hi seannelson,

I love your descriptions in this poem, especially
that second stanza:-

We contort it with a hug;
I slice it with coffeespoons.
Lovers, friends and family
we walk on opposite sides of the street
as the titanic city sinks into night
every street light soldier
in the great procession
giving its red salute to the sky

Wow! amazing stuff.

Thanks for sharing.

Jenny.

insertponceyfre... | October 1, 2011 - 13:40

I agree with Jenny - this is really good sean

RachelPatricia | October 1, 2011 - 14:02

Brilliant :)

L G Meadows | October 1, 2011 - 16:21

So true, mistakes made in permanent ink can't be erased... lots of good stuff in that poem.

seannelson | October 1, 2011 - 17:15

thank you all kindly

Blessing | October 1, 2011 - 17:17

Lots of contrasts and the weight of that city feels immense and oppressive. Really liked this.