the sweet blonde waitress
geisha body, sparkly eyes
free salty soy beans
California rolls
I order, with some sweet drink:
my waitresses' fave
the clang of chefs' knives
or samurais in battle;
all life is struggle
feasting on the rolls
bamboo plants recall Thailand;
Basho eats nearby
order tuna rolls
Kiriban rides down my throat;
more dragon than deer
bill and a good tip
take all my cash; that's okay
my trip to Japan
Comments
inchiki | September 8, 2010 - 13:08
this is a pretty cool little collection of poems. I like the start best: sweet blonde waitress/geisha body, sparkly eyes/free salty soy beans. and the "all life is a struggle" verse - feels like it could end there, if the second verse connected the two in some way.
seannelson | September 8, 2010 - 18:58
Jesus Christ, Inchiki, I'm glad you like it. But I'm a poet and I write poems how I want to. I'm not really looking for major advice.
Milieu | September 8, 2010 - 20:00
"But I'm a poet and I write poems how I want to. I'm not really looking for major advice."
I think that was minor advice, and most poets who have their work read always say thanks.
seannelson | September 9, 2010 - 03:29
Well not me, Milieu, you walnut-brained ass-hole. And saying I should cut out half of the poem is not "minor advice." I write mostly out of passion for ideas and poetry... not your strong points, whatever conformist egotistical "ideas" you might have about that.
So go be a mindless jerk somewhere else, or write more long-winded, pathetic attacks on my books on Amazon.com. In my book, you're SCUM. So if you want to talk to me, you're going to hear more of the same.
For anyone else, I thank people very regularly for commenting on my poems. It's sure not a duty. I have a wide internet audience. I'm a writer, not an automatic e-friend for everyone who might have anything to say about my poems. And if I don't like what somebody has to say or if, as in this case, I think it a little presumptous, I just might say so. This Milieu character found my book in a library, wrote a long intensely negative review on Amazon, and has been harassing me here since(a site I think he found through his resentment of my existence.) So, that's why I say he's a ()*)&(&**(6
seannelson | September 9, 2010 - 03:30
seannelson | September 9, 2010 - 03:42
My thanks to those who comment usually take the form of a personal e-mail. I thank people all the time- most every day, not because I have to, but because I feel like it.
And I have no beef with Inchiki. He or she just said something I disagreed with, and I responded. With Milieu, it's a lot more personal. I want the creep to leave me alone.