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Coffee, Black.

Posted by shoe on April 16, 2010 - 15:28
from the ABC set Some kind of poetry

So here we are,
me in my slimming black slacks,
you in your skinny jeans.
The falling plume of sable hair
does not quite hide your pout,
aware of my own tightly pressed lips
I sip my espresso, hot, bitter,
a milky latte cools in your hands.

I watch you watching the passers-by
made ethereal by the steam from the coffee,
from the pavement, or your own eyes,
you become a ghost, insubstantial.

The experts would counsel forgiveness,
as if one could choose, single it out.
I search my heart for the tannin of envy,
that is for something one does not have,
I would not emulate you, I'm too tired.

You would like a cigarette,
you won't ask though, child that you are.
The coffee grounds are dregs, an unreadable prediction.
As I leave I glimpse your face,
relief, triumph, defiance,
The pout is already a little tighter.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Ewan | April 16, 2010 - 17:28

I really like this, the extended metaphor with the coffee(s) works really well. However, I find the random capitals and punctuation a little disconcerting: they stop my eye in unexpected places, which detract for me, from the poem.

regards
Ewan

Silver Spun Sand | April 16, 2010 - 18:14

This is a highly effective poem, Shirley. My favourite stanza:-

"I watch you watching the passers-by,
Made ethereal by the steam from the coffee,
From the pavement, or your own eyes,
you become a ghost, insubstantial."

The last line, is the 'piece de resistance' as they say. Much enjoyed;-)

Tina

shoe | April 16, 2010 - 18:21

Thank you for your input Ewan, I do struggle with both punctuation and capitals, I have edited and hope it is more consistent now. all suggestions are most welcome, thanks for reading.

Shirley

shoe | April 16, 2010 - 18:25

Thanks Tina, pleased you enjoyed this one, :~}

MistakenMagic | April 17, 2010 - 10:17

I too love this stanza, Shirley:

'I watch you watching the passers-by
made ethereal by the steam from the coffee,
from the pavement, or your own eyes,
you become a ghost, insubstantial.'

This is a poem packed full with little details that make it work so well, I can easily visualise the two women with their coffees! Well done on the cherry ;)

Magic xxx

Silver Spun Sand | April 17, 2010 - 10:31

Hey - I just noticed the cherry, Shirley. A very big 'well done'. Richly deserved.

Tina x

Highhat | April 17, 2010 - 11:43

Congratulations with the cherry shoe. I like . . ". .I watch you watching the passers-by. . " a wonderful picture of the moment.Well deserved. Aren't you happy now?

shoe | April 17, 2010 - 17:36

Thanks Magic, I wanted to convey a scene without words so I'm, glad that worked for you.

shoe | April 17, 2010 - 17:38

yup, estatic!!! my confidence can take a deep breath.

Beeme | April 17, 2010 - 21:08

Well done on the cherry! I really enjoyed.
I especially liked the stanza that Magic chose ;) Beautiful imagery used throughout.

Beeme xx

kheldar | April 27, 2010 - 22:39

Hi Shirley,

A pleasure to read, as ever.

David xx :--)

shoe | April 28, 2010 - 10:40

Hi, ;~D

Don't know how it ended up being about coffee, but hey!