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Lover's Game

Posted by shoe on February 21, 2011 - 13:25
from the ABC set Ramblings of a poetaster

I wanted to write a poem
play a lover's game
So I looked for the rhythm
the rhyming, in your name

I looked in the ascending sibilance;
like lips that part at the end of a kiss
The soft consonants at the begining;
shoulder to shoulder, like this, like bliss

I looked for a pattern
in the fluctuations of my heart
the waves of doubt, of hope, of love
that rise and fall, and stop and start

Is the rhythm in our thoughts
that circle and sway, meeting
teasing, almost revealing
then pulling, away, away

I failed to find the poetry
in the simple things we said
love's rhymes are shy
and like to hide
in our dreaming - synchronised -
in our fingers - intertwined -
in our breathing, in our bed

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Beeme | February 21, 2011 - 13:30

I really like this Shoe.

harveyjoseph | February 21, 2011 - 14:00

This is great stuff. So many rhythmical patterns, repetitions, alliterations and rhymes which seem naturally worked for.

jonahs cough | February 21, 2011 - 15:38

this is beautiful. thanks shoe.

MistakenMagic | February 21, 2011 - 20:35

Absolutely beautiful, Shirley. It really reminds me of the poem 'Name' by Carol Ann Duffy! Love all the images of consonants and syllables. Wonderful!

Magic xxx

insertponceyfre... | February 21, 2011 - 22:25

I think this is beautiful Shoe. You have a few typos:

play a lovers game - you need an apostrophe somewhere in lovers

love's rhymes are shy
and likes to hide - like to hide

sycronised - synchronised

fatboy74 | February 21, 2011 - 23:25

There are no weak lines in your poems shoe, the stop start nature of this is so cleverly done and this cries out to be a performance piece. :-)

shoe | February 22, 2011 - 10:59

Thanks Beeme and Jonah for your kind comments. and Harvey for noticing the rhymes ect, as that is what I was trying for.

Magic, I'm so pleased this reminded you of 'name' I have been reading C.A.Duffy's 'Rapture' and I think you can see what an influence she has had, She is utterly brilliant!

Thanks poncey, Must have got carried away with the effort of rhyming! corrected now.

fb, That has made me smile, I had to keep saying it over and over (under my breath) to see if it worked, I'm really glad you think it has.

celticman | February 22, 2011 - 12:33

enjoyed it. Well done.

Dynamaso | February 22, 2011 - 23:44

Can't say anything more except to agree with all above. A really great poem, this.

shoe | February 23, 2011 - 18:39

Hey! Thanks celticman and Dynamaso, phew, seems I pulled it off!