There was smoke above the spinney,
I knew then they were there,
Despite my mothers warnings
I went down among the trees.
He caught my hand and shushed me,
“lookit ere” he darkly whispered,
Feral kittens spitting fire,
“ya could’na tame em, If ya tried,
Borned wild they are, like me”
Summer was forever, the world was ours alone.
We lived on fruit and trout and slept,
In the flicker of the fire.
One night He took me lamping,
The killing made me cry,
He pressed my forehead to his shoulder,
“shhh, tis only nature, an we eat t’ night”.
The apples were all gathered,
The hops were picked and dried,
His mother gave me heather,
“tis luck ya need my child “.
I found him in the meadow,
At the fading of the day,
He placed his palms upon my ears, as if,
That would soften words too hard to say.
“we’s goin back,... and ya canna come”
I could only hear my heartbeat...
as the words hit home.
That night the fire was roaring,
burning on my face,
My back was cold, but in the middle,
somewhere, I felt just right,
His sister’s singing, sad and low,
Carried through the darkness in the trees,
Like a spirit or an owl,
a lament, a prayer for me.
In the unforgiving morning,
Dark clouds and rain made dim,
A cold dark circle, black and charred
Is all that’s left of him.
Comments
Kahdai | February 16, 2010 - 14:05
Shoe, this is lovely! It reminds me of freinds in my past, people who always move along, I hope they remember us too! I relly like the kittens of wild, use hands to soften shock into ears, & the last two parts are sung by a sorrowfull, praying owl-spirit!
Highhat | February 16, 2010 - 14:53
Your atmosphere becomes ours very vividly thank you so much- I can feel the warmth of the fire and the cat's fur and see the funny old man and I am way back when- maybe Dickens
shoe | February 16, 2010 - 16:56
Kahdai Thank you so much, what lovely things to say, people pass through our lives so easily, however important they seem at the time, I hear your good news, congratulations,:~}
shoe | February 16, 2010 - 16:59
Hi Highhat, thank you for your kind comment, I am so pleased you liked this, your words are much appreciated,
MistakenMagic | February 16, 2010 - 17:25
'His sister’s singing, sad and low,
Carried through the darkness in the trees,
Like a spirit or an owl,
a lament, a prayer for me.'
I love these lines, Shirley - the sadness just radiates from them! A beautiful yet melancholy tale, well done on the cherry ;)
Magic xxx
Cavalcaderl | February 16, 2010 - 18:54
new Shoe
Congratulations:
On the cherry!too and IP
Yes it is sad, but
you put it so well.
The Spinney,I love that.
6th stanza to:
His sister's singing sad and low.
Like a spirit or an owl,
a lament,a prayer for me
Julie xx
shoe | February 16, 2010 - 19:14
Thanks Magic, your thoughts are very valued,
Julie, thank you so much, pleased you enjoyed this one,:~}
kheldar | February 16, 2010 - 19:45
Hi Shirley,
Once more you paint a really compelling picture. Even the title and the line you put in the teaser are great. I love the way you build atmosphere into your writing, if words can speak in colours then this is definitely sepia.
Terriffic.
David :--) xxx (that's an extra x for the cherry)
"Mother said I never should
Play with gypsies in the wood,
It was more than childish whim
That led me there to be with him."
Nathan Bednarek | February 17, 2010 - 00:21
'His sister’s singing, sad and low,
Carried through the darkness in the trees,
Like a spirit or an owl,
a lament, a prayer for me.'
I too love these lines. The whole thing is very good and it really shows off your skill and technique in poetry. This poem, for example, is perfectly structured and the rhythm is flawless, making it that much more enjoyable to read. The accent is used in a very charming way and the story itself is captivating.
Amazing work. One of your best so far, definitely.
Nathan.
shoe | February 17, 2010 - 11:14
Thank you Nathan, I don't know much about technique or structure, just say it aloud to my self in my head.
Spellcheck had a hissey fit at those accents...which was fun.
shoe | February 17, 2010 - 11:17
Thanks for cherry flavour kiss, mmmmm... (ahem)
there are many versions of this rhyme I think, but I like yours just cos it's yours,
xxx
P.S thank you for wonderfull I.P. it really has so much scope.
Beeme | February 17, 2010 - 19:29
I really like this, It was heartbreaking and heart warming, lots of emotion.
Beeme xx
shoe | February 18, 2010 - 10:41
thanks Beeme, :~}