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now I'm a grown-up

Posted by shoe on March 17, 2011 - 18:10
from the ABC set They don't mean to, but they do

I watched my mother holding a newborn
all her maternal instincts
suddenly burgeoning
She welcomed its weight
rocking to some internal rhythm
the child's head, cradled
spanning her hand
little finger to thumb
ear to ear

I'm aware of being too ungainly
too cluttered, too used
She could not possibly adjust herself
enough to accomadate me
It would be ludicrous for her
to draw me up close, closer
and breathe me in
like fresh bread

And it's ridiculous, at my age
to want to be held
so completely
So wholly embraced
with pure, primal, protective love
but I do

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

insertponceyfre... | March 17, 2011 - 18:18

another lovely, simple, piece

ps. no apostrophe needed here: She welcomed it's weight

shoe | March 17, 2011 - 18:52

Cheers poncey, offending apostrophe banished.

sue dinum | March 17, 2011 - 19:41

Not ridiculous at all, shoe. We all need to be held regardless of anything, especially age. I really liked your poem, especially the last stanza.

sd

SundaysChild | March 17, 2011 - 23:28

Delightful piece- I love the last part.

skinner_jennifer | March 17, 2011 - 23:50

Hi shoe,

you said it all here, that no matter how old we are,
we all need to be loved.

Thanks for the read.

Jenny.

Silver Spun Sand | March 18, 2011 - 12:00

A lovely read, shoe;-)

Tina

Wolfsax | March 18, 2011 - 12:52

Hi there Shoe,

Firstly let me say that I very much enjoyed reading this poem. It puts forward very clearly an idea which we all ascribe to in that we long to be loved but we are also often reluctant to admit this since it immediately makes us dependant on someone else and that always feels like a dangerous place to be.

In literary terms the flow of your poem feels natural when read aloud and slips off the tongue easily. In terms of the written word, I hope that offending apostrophe is still floating around the ether somewhere because it actually needs to come to rest on a different line of this poem as follows

the child's head, cradled

and further down Isuspect that you have missed a word out from the line

She not possibly adjust herself

which I think should probably read

She could not possibly adjust herself

Please feel free to ignore my comments if you disagree, and thank you regardless for a lovely read.

All best wishes

Dave

Aim for the stars then if you fail you might still land on the moon, and that's not a bad second best.

shoe | March 18, 2011 - 14:13

Thank you everyone, hugs all round then!
really pleased it seems a normal sort of thing.

Hi Dave, you're right on both counts and I have amended them now, thanks for taking the trouble to point them out, I really appreciate it, punctuation being my bugbear which is why I use it as little as possible, Cheating I know, I know!

Richard L. Prov... | March 18, 2011 - 14:53

This is a beautiful poem, an umbilical cord of love and life. Richard L. Provencher

shoe | March 18, 2011 - 16:53

Thanks Richard L Provencher.

Silver Spun Sand | March 22, 2011 - 18:53

I nearly missed this one, shoe, and I'm glad I didn't. Just a tiny typo, should be 'accommodate'.

These particular line, so very evocative:-

"She welcomed its weight
rocking to some internal rhythm
the child's head, cradled
spanning her hand
little finger to thumb
ear to ear"

Really enjoyed;-)

Tina