Millie’s pet rabbit escaped yesterday
through that hole in the hedge
but it didn’t go far. It’s back safe and sound.
Six years she’s had it – black with grey smudges
and a pink button nose. Millie’s tall
as a beanpole – like her dad, I suppose.
The garden gate squeaks, the cistern
still leaks and that duck-shaped damp patch
on the wall by our bed has returned once again.
The muntjaks still bark in the meadow at night
and the swallows too, have come home to the barn
for the fourth or even fifth summer running.
It’s been a gem of an evening, really warm,
but the sun’s going down as I write …
sort of pale green at the edges
orange at the centre.
The sky, I mean, Sam. Not the sun.
Just my butterfly mind as you’d call it.
I haven’t changed a bit as you can tell.
I’m still daft as a brush.
Today, took a walk in the pasture. The celandine’s
seeded there now. You said it might, one of these days.
The vetch too, at long last is spreading.
High above my head a skylark trilled Mahler’s 5th
and the cat’s got worms … again.
Incidentally, the kitchen tap still drips and drips.
So … I’m just sitting here, writing to say
that this week, dear Sam, the news is no news.
Comments
Nathan Bednarek | September 23, 2008 - 23:32
Yet another excellent piece dear Tina. The title is simple, but very effective. Each couplet is well thought-out and structured and also each one has a life of its own and yet it shares a very close relationship with the other couplets. This appeals to me because it makes me ‘feel’ the poem instead of just reading it.
Another great thing about this piece is the genuine presence of love. Because of the countless clichés in love poetry, the emotion often becomes just a theme rather than a backbone of a poem and it’s not really present. However, you truly captured love in ‘Between the lines’ (I just love the title ;-p )
My only reservation is that the first three lines don’t really capture my attention as I read the piece. It is only by the fourth line and the third couplet that I get drawn in. Perhaps a small juggle of words? Just a suggestion. I hope I didn’t sound too critical.
Overall, I think this poem is excellent.
Nathan.
artisus | September 24, 2008 - 12:34
great lines here, a very good poem Tina
Silver Spun Sand | September 24, 2008 - 16:05
Nathan - thank you so much for reading and for your thoughts. I know where you're coming from, as they say;-)and shall take a close look.
I'm glad that the poem meant something to you and much appreciate your comments, as ever:-)
Tina
PS:-) Have just returned home and have had a 'fiddle' with the first couple of stanzas. I think the poem is more rounded now. Thanks again Nathan for making me exercise my grey matter (what little I have;-)
Silver Spun Sand | September 24, 2008 - 16:07
Glad you enjoyed it, Nic and my thanks to you for reading. I am just going to have another look at one of your poems. As always, there is so much in them that one read is never enough.
Tina:-)
Nathan Bednarek | September 24, 2008 - 16:37
A great edit Tina. The poem is perfected to the highest standard. I love what you did with the first few stanzas. I especially like te first stanza ( ;-p ) and I'm hooked straight away. I'm glad you appreciated my advice so much. It's just that I don't really like criticizing (even creatively) ;-) but I'm happy my comment proved helpful. Great job on the piece. Well done. ;-x
Nathan.
Silver Spun Sand | September 24, 2008 - 16:41
Thank you so much, Nathan.
I know what you mean about criticising, I feel the same sometimes, except that is really the best thing about poetry sites like this. I have learned so much over the years, and I hope I never stop learning and I can only do that, with the help of people like you:-)
Tina