Fumbles with the key
strung around his neck...
it falls to the ground
as tiny fingers pick it up.
The door groans open.
“Anybody there?” he calls;
does it every time, although
he knows mumbled echoes
will be his only answer.
Takes off his shoes
in the soft-shuttered
shadows of a sullen
afternoon, and how,
very much, he wants
his mother to be home.
Removes his coat – delves
deep inside his pocket...
falls at his feet, a greying
tissue; the one she’d used
to blot her lipstick, before
she’d said, ‘Goodbye’,
that day. The special one –
the one he’d been keeping
with the carmine kiss on,
she’d wiped his cheek with...
and dabbed his tears away.
Comments
Indrani Ananda | January 7, 2012 - 19:38
Indrani Ananda
Very endearing, Tina. It's just how a young boy would be. You've captured it perfectly.
Indrani.
hilary west | January 7, 2012 - 19:40
Lovely vignette that says so much!
Silver Spun Sand | January 7, 2012 - 21:23
Thank you Indrani;-) Pleased you thought so.
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | January 7, 2012 - 21:24
Many thanks, hilary;-)
Tina
skinner_jennifer | January 7, 2012 - 22:53
such a sad tale of a son missing his mother, I love
the way you describe him opening the door and
calling out, "Anybody there?" and all he hears is
mumbled echoes.
Thankyou for sharing this one Tina.
Jenny.
scratch | January 7, 2012 - 23:16
Superb I was heart beating loud and holding my breath. You did it SSS.
Highhat | January 8, 2012 - 03:58
Really made me sad to read about this latchkey child- poor little thing.You certainly got the feeling across to me Tina. well done
;)Pia
gerardineanne | January 8, 2012 - 08:46
Very sad:key around his neck and tiny fingers show his vulnerability.Liked your 'soft-shuttered shadows'
very much.
Sikander | January 8, 2012 - 12:28
Beautiful work! Particularly loved the alliteration of : 'Takes off his shoes/ in the soft-shuttered/ shadows of a sullen /afternoon
Gorgeous!
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:30
Thanks, Jenny. Pleased it struck a chord with you;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:32
Thanks, scratch. Just love your animated comment. Ever thought of becoming a writer?;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:33
I thank you, pia.
I used to be a 'latchkey kid' myself, unfortunately, and I really hated it.
Tina;-)
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:34
Thanks for reading, gerardineanne, and for your kind comment;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:35
Hi there, Sikander;-)
I just love using alliteration, and it is very rewarding when someone such as yourself enjoys it too.
Many thanks for reading, and for your words.
Tina
Cavalcaderl | January 8, 2012 - 15:42
new Silver-Spun-Sand
Thoroughly enjoyed sad
how the boy calls no one there!
Such a beautiful way saing all the writer.
Yep! six of us latch key kids,mainly key left
under brick,save mum up and down opening the door
was safe to do then. You have painted a picture so well. So often happened in those times too.
julie x
MistakenMagic | January 8, 2012 - 15:45
Love that second stanza, Tina! Some beautiful lines in this one. A very tender and poignant portrait :-)
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:46
You're so right, Julie.
Latchkey kids were all too common. I guess it happens today, but not so much.
Many thanks for reading, and for your lovely comment.
Tina x
Silver Spun Sand | January 8, 2012 - 15:48
And many thanks to you, dear Magic for reading;-)
Just prior to now, I've noticed a new poem from you. Am away to read it; I am sure it won't disappoint;-)
Tina xxx
Florian | January 8, 2012 - 20:26
Very touching and strangely sad. I'm curious as to what incident inspired the poem, a tragedy or did mom leave him and go to Las Vegas for the weekend.
Silver Spun Sand | January 9, 2012 - 11:18
Hi there, Florian;-)
As to the answer to your question, I guess it depends how one reads the line, '...the one she'd used to blot her lipstick/that day...' One can either surmise the child is referring to earlier on the same day...saying goodbye as he does every time she goes off to work in the morning. Or 'that' day, meaning a specific one. If one takes it as the latter, there are many possibilities, leaving the reader to draw their own conclusion. In your case, I think Las Vegas is as good a guess as any;-)
Many thanks for reading, and for taking the trouble to comment so thoughtfully.
Tina
fatboy74 | January 9, 2012 - 23:31
Takes off his shoes
in the soft-shuttered
shadows of a sullen
afternoon
You know I love beautiful lines like that Tina - more superb writing. :-)
Silver Spun Sand | January 10, 2012 - 09:16
Many thanks, fb;-)
Tina