How High is the Moon

its interesting

love,
DandelionSeeds

There are some lovely lines here; the harvest moon shrugs off a cloud, the moth 'courts' the lamp.

I almost feel that the wheelchair reference is 'telling' us rather than 'showing'. We already feel a sense of unease in the character, a sense of feeling trapped and therefore a sense of escape, so i'm not sure if this feels right. To me, I prefer the mystery of knowing something more is happening/has happened behind this poem that we may never find out about.

This may be way off the mark though!

There is a history behind this poem and I feel that somehow you read between the lines.

It is in a fact a true story, as related to me by my daughter, who was living out the last few weeks of her life at a local hospice.

She was a great nature-lover and that night, her friend, Nikki, gave to her much more than just a walk around the hospice gardens.

Thank you for reading and for your interest.

Tina

I agree that the direct reference to the wheelchair isn't necessary - I think this implied well enough before we even get to this point, so much so that 'wheelchair' jars a little. Was it the you need to mention it? Nevertheless this does have some lovely phrases and does evoke that sense of loss, and of fleeting pleasure. Margot

This is another beautiful poem Tina! If my forte is love poems then yours is imagery within poems :) My favourite lines;

'Above the farmer’s field, the harvest moon
shrugs off a cloud'

'I watch a moth
court the lamp, fly inside and disappear
without a trace.'

I also loved the brilliantly crafted language of the moon being a balloon.

It breaks my heart to hear about your daughter, but I'm so happy you can draw this poem, something positive, out of your experiences. I'm sure she would be very proud of you and your poetry!

Magic x

Thank you so much for your thoughts, Margot, but I guess I don't have any choice but to go along with my daughter's.

For 20 years she fought her battle with cancer and it was only in the last 2 months of her life that she finally had to let go her independance. The wheelchair was her prison, as indeed was her illness and at only 39 years old, I can sure understand why. She wanted to fly free, like the moth and in the end, on New Year's Eve, 2007, she did.

Tina

Magic, thank you. Andrea, my daughter, has inspired much of my poetry over the last twenty years, ever since she was first diagnosed. During the latter stages of her life, I found that the only way I could deal with the awfulness of the situation, was by trying to see things from her perspective. Climb inside her mind if you like, and look through her eyes.

When she was finally admitted to the hospice, she in fact took a collection of my poetry and also some short stories that her sister had written, also inspired by her. They meant much to her and so - yes, you were right, Magic:-)

Tina

Tina - like much of your writes, here are images that are 'felt' (one suggestion - could trim 'of mine' allowing the next rhyme sound to be 'night') xxx

Ld - hi! I hope the 'marathon man' has completed his run, so to speak;-)

Much appreciate your words and as usual,your more than inspired expertise.

Tina xx

This is beautiful Tina. I can truly relate to this poem. My grandpa died of cancer last year. The illness attacked him mainly in the last few months of his life, but he was struggling with it for many, many years. He was a very important person to me and it was extremely painful when he died. I guess he can only blame himself. He couldn't stop smoking. In a sense I was angry at him when he died, because if he cared about his own life a little more, maybe he’d still be alive. However, just like you express in your poem, I try not to focus on why or how he died, I just remember him as my grandpa.

I'll keep this poem close to my heart.

Love, Nathan.

Love this image:

Magic, that’s what it is. Wind in my hair
fresh air on my face. I’d forgotten
what it felt like.'

And your truth is heart-breaking.

However, I agree that to obviously point out the wheelchair is telling and not showing - we got that, without needing the word. It jars slightly with what is otherwise a beautiful 'showing' poem.

Nathan - thank you for your lovely comment. I am glad the poem meant something to you. I was so sorry to hear about your grandpa. Yes, cancer touches many people's lives -one in three of us, so statistics say.

Tina:-)

With 3 people sharing this view with you, jennifer, I tend to think you are right and I am most definitely wrong. All I can say is, thank you for 'tipping the scales' and I have edited it. I think it is a bit of an improvement.

My thanks to you again and by the way, jennifer, you picked out the words dearest to my heart. She missed the fresh air so very much.

Tina

And now the emotion flows beautifully, making the poignancy of "how high is high" and the envy of the moth so much more powerful. A deserved cherry and no doubt your daughter would understand the poetic licence taken with her words and feelings. She remains, after all, the sweet inspiration for this poem. Margot

Margot - thank you.

Tina

Well done on the cherry Tina! This poem really deserved it :)

Magic - thank you so much. And while we're on the subject, congratulations on yours. Fortune-tellers always fascinate me, especially paper ones.

Tina:-)

Thanks Tina, it's strange, I have no idea where my fortune teller poem came from, I haven't played with them for years - well inspiration always strikes when you least expect! And as I'm finding now it always strikes when I have pretty challenging essay that I really should be working on!

Good luck with the essay, Magic. Even a budding author likes you needs a little luck sometimes:-)

Tina:-)

Thanks Tina :) Well my essay is done and sorted, boy am I relieved! But my teachers think it's funny to give me more work as soon as one thing is finished - I barely have time fore poetry :(

Magic x