“Can you hear the white wolves crying?”
said Maranga to Kalista.
“I can only hear the river,”
said the young boy to his sister.
“Can you hear the white wolves laughing?”
“No, my sister, just the reed-bed
and the wind amongst the pine-trees.
Sweet Maranga, don’t be frightened.”
Now the white wolves grow much closer.
Dear Kalista, can’t you hear them?”
“Sweetest sister – stop your weeping.
See the moon rise from the mountain.
Blessed spirits of the night-time
have begun their jubilations.
Until sunrise in the valley
they will dance in celebration.”
“Can you hear the white wolves howling?
Many more there are in number,
so it's time to leave our wigwam
call it quits and do a runner.”
“Maranga – you’re a coward!
See the light shines from the kitchen.
In his wisdom, Father left it,
‘cos he knew that you’d turn chicken!”
Comments
FTSE100 | November 6, 2008 - 20:17
Best one I've seen. Do wigwams have kitchens, btw?
As self-appointed monitor of metre, might I ask you to look at the first lines in stanzas 3,4 and 6? You can achieve perfection by insertion of a single word in each case (eg 'Now the white wolves grow much closer' in line 1 of stanza 3, and perhaps 'Sweetest sister stop your weeping' in line 3). What do you think? I know I'm just a boring old fart, but I mean well!
Call it quits and do a runner, indeed! I shall tell Lonfellow of you. I can feel a cherry on its way for this one!
Silver Spun Sand | November 6, 2008 - 21:39
I would have you know that my wigwam definitely has a kitchen AND a dishwasher. His name is Stuart, actually:-)
Seriously though, many thanks for your help. Have used your suggestions unreservedly.
I have really enjoyed having a 'go' at this particular form. Personally, I have found it much harder than it seems in theory and I really do respect Longfellow, not that I didn't before, of course.
I was just about to delete this, strangely enough, but now you have given me the confidence to try and perfect this extremely challenging poetic form.
Thank you once again.
Tina
Nathan Bednarek | November 6, 2008 - 22:32
Oh Tina, don't you ever dare delete your work! ;-p
I think this poem is just great. Perhaps because I find it very difficult to read between the lines. The fact is that this poem could represent almost anything is what makes it so familiar- from family relationships to moving on from your fears or maybe it talks about not worrying about how others see you, or is it a metaphor for another metaphor- the 'light at the end of the tunnel' one. The unending possibilities of this poem are what make it so appealing. Hurrah for ambiguity!
Great work as always; commonly unique and soothingly striking... as always. ;-)
Well done.
Nathan.
Silver Spun Sand | November 7, 2008 - 00:03
Nathan - you do wonders for a girl's ego. But then, I guess, you've been told that ... many times before;-)
My thanks to you for reading my stuff and caring enough to encourage my writing.
As you say, reading between the lines, quite a challenge in this one, but you seem to have done a more than average job.
;-) Tina
jennifer | November 7, 2008 - 11:01
Very funny twist at the end - superb, bringing it to the fantasy children-playing level right at the end!
Silver Spun Sand | November 7, 2008 - 11:32
My word, she's got it! Absolutely, Jennifer:-) My thanks to you for reading.
Tina
jennifer | November 7, 2008 - 12:49
My pleasure, I always enjoy your work, and this whimsicality is great!
Wasn't it obvious, though? Perhaps our minds are alike..
FTSE100 | November 7, 2008 - 14:40
I thought they were playing indoors. Very dim of me. In the garden in a tent. Now I get it!
Silver Spun Sand | November 7, 2008 - 18:34
Jennifer, I do think you may be right. On both counts;-)
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | November 7, 2008 - 18:35
Like anything in life - it's easy ... when you know how;-) And dim - very far from it:-)
Thank you for taking such an interest. I do appreciate it.
Tina
tretchicovmanicova | November 7, 2008 - 19:38
"listen to the voice of the wind in the pines when no wind blows."
Silver Spun Sand | November 7, 2008 - 22:04
You sent a shiver down my spine with your words. And I thank you for them.
Tina