Sammy the Dwarf

I stand three feet tall, no more, no less.
None of you see me in the street, you are careful not to see me, your eyes glide by in absent minded thoughts. You fucks. You think that makes me feel any better. I want the kids who stare, I want the drunks that call me names, I want a reaction from people like you. I am a human being you know, I don't know if you've forgotten that or it's just too awkward for you to imagine that I have feels too about this.
You see it from your point of view, it's awkward for you, how the fuck do you think it is for me.
I belong in a tent where you pay to see me jump on a trampoline. I belong with the Siamese twins and the bearded lady, I'm a walking third nipple, don't pretend otherwise.
And if you do glance, out the very edge of the very corner of your eye and you see me glaring up at you with knives in my eyes to stab the whole world out, well it's because I've got a story that brought me here, that made me hate the whole world. That made me realise that I was fucked from birth, nothing good was going to happen to me, I'm a life-long joke and the punch line comes when I die.
You want to hear it, this story, are you sure? Well don't go wandering off halfway through, if I'm going to tell you this I want your attention. I'm not repeating it.
Fine, I worked in an office, there was a woman there, I thought I was in love with her. I know, a dwarf in love, what a great story, but listen, one day she left, she was getting married and she was going to start a family.
I can see myself now on the day she left, a giant goodbye card I had carefully chosen for her, three feet high, waddling down the hallway, just my fingers and shoes is all you could see of me. I took it to every office, I endured many awkward words and red faces to get the card signed so she would know how much we all were going to miss her, especially me.
I was deluded, I was naive, I was floating about, cushioned in a bubble of my daydreams. The way this was supposed to end was, I give her the card, she sees how much I care for her, she dumps that worthless husband of hers, we jump into a car and head for the sea. What actually happened was I nervously went to her desk, to the woman I'd never even spoken to, and said hello, in a wavering small voice, and she ignored me. Standing there with my giant card.
She stared at the papers on her desk, concentrated. I stood there watching her go red, transform into the skin of a lobster as she stared endlessly, unblinking at the pages on her desk.
And then smack in the face, I got it, I'd forgotten, I'm a dwarf, I'm a fucking freak.
I began to sob, she didn't move, nobody moved in the office. I sobbed and sobbed, and screamed like an animal with its leg caught in the teeth of an iron trap.
I let go of the card and ran out of the office and she was still staring at the papers on her desk in her lobster skin.

She got married and moved away, to a small white cottage on the coastline, surrounded by green fields and blue sky, the sea and white chalk cliffs and rocky shores. A postcard picture of a sleepy holiday home.
I found that house one night and I made my way in, and while they were having dinner and celebrating with a bottle of wine at their new happy lives, I climbed their stairs and went into the bedroom. I closed myself in their wardrobe and watched for them through the door crack.
And when they did come up to bed and undressed, I watched through moist eyes as he did things I could never do to her. Not without a step ladder. Ha, ha.
Halfway through their motions, like slow waves in the dark, they heard me, my head banging off the door in agony, my eyes streaming and my shouts like a fiery drunk, shouting No No No.
The naked man, six foot tall, opened the wardrobe with his erection looking me straight in the eye. He pulled me into the room. He threw me on the floor and the woman jumped on the bed and screamed.
As he shouted about the police and the woman wrapped a sheet around herself and held her head in her hands, I cried and took the whistle from my pocket and blew it and there was a thunderous earthquake, shaking the house and pictures fell from the walls and something came out of the earth and up the stairs and into the room an army of bald naked small men marched. They carried the man and the woman screaming out the room.
I led them away from the house, through the darkness, under the egg white moon, to the cliffs and we tossed them there and watched their silent bodies fall and smash on the shore like splintering wood and roll into the ocean, and we watched them carried away on the waves and down into the dark nothing.

Now sometimes I go down the backstreets and strangle stray dogs because there is so much hate in me. I walk along the street cursing and you will see me at the bus stop fighting with the silence around me, lashing out and screaming, or you will see me sobbing at the bar. Now leave me alone and fuck off and the next time you see me take a good hard look.