Nathen stood by, the anger building up inside him
as he watched his hard work going up in flames then
to ashes, 'thankfully his family were nowhere to be
seen, how had he and his men been so stupid as to
let this happen?' he thought to himself.
In all the years he had been hunting, he had never
been captured, but these hunters had caught them off guard. They had decided to take a break from
their hunt, it was a hot day, so he had decided that he and his men would go for a swim in the river, which he knew in his mind was a big mistake and now they were paying for their stupidity.
Nathen fidgeted, he and his men had been tied up
together, he felt uneasy and worried for them, he
decided it must be his age, he thought, ' must be
getting older and slower these days.'
The tallest of their captors approached Nathen,
he questioned him, "you have a family?"
"no," said Nathen, not wanting to give his family
away. "You lie!" he brought Nathen's face close to
his own, Nathen could smell his foul breath it made
him feel nauseous.
The hunter's name was Jonah, he was even more muscular than Nathen with a dark beard which gave
him an air of authority, he drove his men with fear, the other men knew he was capable of evil
torture if they did'nt do his vile deeds, Jonah
was driven by control. "Well," said Jonah,
"if they are to be found, we will find them. What's
your name?"
"My name is Nathen, not that it's any of your
business."
Jonah just stared at him laughing, "well Nathen you
seem like a strong man, now you will hunt for me."
Nathen became agitated, "but I'm a leader, I hunt
with my own men," Nathen looked at his men for support, but they all seemed to scared to speak up.
"Well you ain't no leader now," said Jonah,
"now move it!" Jonah pushed Nathen so hard, that he
fell to the ground, "get up you miserable varlet,"
shouted Jonah, still laughing.
It had taken a lot of coaxing to persuade Jay not to shout out for his father, Evelyne had whispered
to her son that these were bad men and that they
could all be killed if he made a sound, Jay thankfully seemed to understand. Evelyne watched as
the men marched off through the forest, she was to
afraid to move.
To be continued .......
Comments
Highhat | March 26, 2011 - 18:42
torcher=torture
buisness=business
just a little tweak Jenny- this is progressing very well. I like your gentle story telling even though it is dramatic at least there isn't blood and gore. I like that. You characters- the Chosen Ones - are very sensitive. You have such a kind way of tale telling.
;)Pia
pinda | March 26, 2011 - 20:20
Jennifer, I've just read your installments of 'The Chosen Ones' and can safely say that this is by far one of the best stories I've read on this site. It's not very often I want to know what will happen in a story because I'm easily distracted however, after reading this, I want to know what'll happen to the strong hunter 'Nathen' and whether 'Fern' is safe.
Well done, though I can't beleive that these mini-installments haven't been recognised as being 'worthy of a cherry'.
Agree with what Pia said, you're story telling is gentle yet brutal with the cliff-hangers.
Don't finish this series of stories anytime soon, I'd like to carry on reading these for a while :D
X
Pinda
SteveM | March 27, 2011 - 11:23
Evelyne and her son are on their own for now... good scenario. Will be awaiting the next installment.
Steve
sue dinum | March 27, 2011 - 13:27
Hi Jenny, yes I agree with what's been said and your story-telling technique is coming along really well. I see improvement all the time and you are widening your range of writing skills.
Pia picked up on a couple of things, a couple more worth putting right are:
so he had decided that himself and his men - himself should really be 'he';
stu'pidity has a typo error - unwanted apostrophe;
him and his men - should be he and his men;
Nathen could smell his foul breath it made
him feel nauseous could do with either a comma or an 'and' between breath and it;
miserable varlet - there is such a word (obscure) as 'varlet' which means a kind of servant, but I suspect the word you are trying for is varmint which means obnoxious person etc. If I'm wrong and it is how you intended, I apologise. These are only minor things.
You just need to self-edit a bit more, Jenny. Really enjoyable.
sue
skinner_jennifer | March 27, 2011 - 14:16
Hi Pia,
firstly I would like to say how grateful I am to
you for your help, without people putting me right,
I would never know where I was making mistakes.
So now for your great comment, thankyou so much.
I hope that I can tell the story without there being
any blood and gore, but we will see.
Thankyou Pia, will always appreciate what you have
to say.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | March 27, 2011 - 14:17
Thankyou Steve, it's nice to know you are still
following my story, really appreciated.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | March 27, 2011 - 14:22
Dear Pinda,
I don't know what to say, your comment was so kind,
I really don't think I'm worthy of such a nice
message, but it's very much appreciated, I seem to
be using that word a lot lately, but it's how I feel.
I do enjoy writing, only in the past it has just
been for my own pleasure, but to have people read
your work and say such a wonderful comment as you
have just given me, brings a lot of happiness to me.
All I can say is thankyou again.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | March 27, 2011 - 14:27
Hi sue,
where would I be without people like you helping me,
it's such a relief to have people give me advice, I
used to get a lot of help from Darken Wolf, but
sadly he is no longer on ABC Tales, so to have help
from other readers, makes all the difference.
That word varlet was right, because now Nathen is a
servant to Jonah, hope you understand. I will certainly get on and check over my work and put
the mistakes right.
Thankyou again for the great comment and for taking
the time out to read this story.
Jenny.
well-wisher | April 6, 2011 - 19:55
Still enjoying your story. I can imagine it as a Doug McClure movie with maybe Daryl Hannah as Evelynne, as in the movie "Clan Of The Cave Bear"
or Raquel Welch in her famous cave-girl bikini.
I think that your male characters speak like convincing manly men and your description of Nathens subjugation/ loss of power is also
very believable
skinner_jennifer | April 7, 2011 - 08:42
That's a great comment well-wisher, Wow! a film,
now that would really be something wouldn't it?
Do you know you are the second person to say it's
like Clan of the Cave Bear, Pia also said the same
thing. I loved those Jane Auel stories, she is one
of my favourite Authors, something must have rubbed
off on me, after reading them.
Anyway I'm so glad you are still enjoying, hope you
can get through the boring bits to get to the exciting bits.
Thankyou for reading.
Jenny.
Kahdai | June 5, 2011 - 16:33
if you make it to a book first Jenny and then a film that will be great :) K
http://www.abctales.com/story/skinner-jennifer/chosen-ones-part-seven
skinner_jennifer | June 6, 2011 - 09:40
You are so kind Kahdai,
but I promise you, I'm only a mere soul who has
written something that interested me, there is
no way either of these things could ever happen,
but it's nice to dream.
Thankyou so much Kahdai,
Jenny.
Kahdai | June 12, 2011 - 19:44
ofcourse you could have a book!, if you want iil try and find someone who makes books or we could make a forum topic on this website asking anyone who can, its long enough to be a book ii think K
skinner_jennifer | June 13, 2011 - 09:14
Wow! That's really kind of you, I never really have
that much faith in myself I'm afraid.
Jenny.