THE CHOSEN ONES ( PART THREE )


from the ABC set Stories

It had been a long day, the afternoon sunshine was
starting to cool off, Evelyne asked her daughter to
get some water from the stream to cook two hares,
that her father had managed to kill that morning.

Her father whose name was Nathen was a strong,
muscular man, he was quite tall with fairish hair
and tanned skin, he wore bear skin trousers, top
and boots, he was a hunter like his father and all
the men of his family gone before him.

As the child walked down to the stream, she was
still thinking about what her father would do, if
he found out where she'd been. She knelt down at
the stream to fill her pail, as she did she saw
her reflection in the ripples of the water, her
face was dirty and her hair all matted, she realised that she needed to wash before her father
saw her.

She quickly began to undress and ventured down into
the stream, laying down in the cold water she
submerged her hair, letting the water ripple over
her, she took some twigs and pulled them through
her hair until all the tangles were out, then she
stood up and walked over to where some wild sage
grew, picked some and wrapped the leaves around
another twig, she started to rub the sage leaves
onto her teeth, then chewed some to make her breath
smell good, she got dressed and made her way back
to the hut, her mother was waiting for her she
smiled, "Ah! good you look like my daughter again."

Before nightfall her father returned, he had been
drinking with a friend and was in high spirits, he
saw how nice his daughter was looking and praised
her, "so here is my fine daughter, you make a
father proud. Did you find any herbs for the pot?"
"Oh yes!" she said excitedly.
As Nathen started to wash his hands he exclaimed,
"It certainly smells good."
Nathen picked up his son and sat him on his
shoulders, "when you grow up to be a man," he said
to his son, "I will teach you to hunt, won't I my
wife?" Evelyne was bringing the plates of food to
the table, "yes Nathen but now sit down and eat
before it gets cold."
As they ate the child realised what a lucky escape
she had.

To be continued .........

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

SteveM | March 25, 2011 - 10:31

I like the hunter/gatherer scenario... most interesting to see how the story pans out.

Steve

skinner_jennifer | March 25, 2011 - 11:31

Thankyou Steve,

you are a real gem, I do appreciate you reading and
the feedback.

Thanks again.

Jenny.

insertponceyfre... | March 25, 2011 - 13:13

I'm really enjoying this Jenny - I like the gentle rhythm

skinner_jennifer | March 25, 2011 - 15:09

Thankyou so much insert, your comments are really
helping me.

Jenny.

well-wisher | April 5, 2011 - 10:57

I like the story so far. I like the fact that you are avoiding cliches of primitive life.

Although I don't know much about Neolithic tribes, your writing suggests to me that you must have done alot of research into their way of life.

I also like the way that you are trying to show the civilised nature of a primitive people with the scene
where Evelynne brushes her teeth and does her hair.

I do, however, wonder why you are using modern names
for the characters. It makes me think that you are setting up a twist and that the story is not really set in a primitive past but in some post-apocalyptic
future where people have reverted to a more
primitive form of existence.

skinner_jennifer | April 5, 2011 - 12:01

Ha, ha,! now you are getting to close to the mark,
so I will say no more, because otherwise I will give
the end away.

Thankyou for reading well-wisher,

Jenny

skinner_jennifer | June 6, 2011 - 09:35

Thankyou again Kahdai,

Jenny.